Baba 's Reviews > Three Nick Nowak Mysteries

2 stars. Review completed September 1, 2014

That's Nick. Always prepared (I'm not talking about protection).


First off I'd like to say that I've read and enjoyed gay fiction before. Although considering my rating, you can guess that Boystown and the infamous Nick Nowak weren't my cup of tea. I'm so friggin' peeved right now, mainly because I've read tons of mediocre or really, really crappy books this year and good ole Nick pushed me into yet another friggin' book funk. It. Sucks. Big. Time. I dislike Nick very much. First thing I thought after finishing this book was "I need a break. What the fuck am I doing on this site?" People are gushing over books left and right and I can't seem to choose a great book lately. Do I have such high standards? I don't think so. Isn't it ridiculous that reading a few bad books in a row can influence my life so substantially?

Friendly warning
I will drop the F-bomb. Repeatedly. What I will say is this: apologies to everyone who feels offended by my language. Don't take it personally because I really, really, really need to vent.

The sex in Boystown is beyond bad. Man sees other man. Unpacks his dick. Compares the two dicks. Longer, shorter, curvier, pinker. (Ja, ja, aus würds mi interessiere wär vo dene z'dünnere Wienerli het). You don't need to compare a dick, you need to know how to use it (don't bother, that's not the translation of my Swiss German). Sorry, I got side-tracked. Lubes up dick and hole. Sticks dick in hole. Push, push, push. Groan. Pulls out (sometimes not). Jerks off. Jizz splatters on chest or over hand. Or on a wall. Whatever. Rinse, repeat. Rinse, repeat. Rinse repeat, etc. In between a couple BJs. Pathetic is what I call that.


You know what's actually really sad is the fact that the writing was good. But Nick ruined every-f@cking-thing. And somewhere along the way I got really bored due to the story lines which didn't engage me at all. Plus, once in a while I had to check my toes because I was afraid they would suffer from frostbite due to the freezing atmosphere of Boystown. Detached asshole meets reader on the verge of book funk and pushes her over the edge right into a f@cking black hole of misery. Excuse me while I'm having a little emotion here.

So, yeah, I think I'm entitled to this...


Anyway, let me get down to business.

I understand that this series is set in the early 80s, thus a whole lotta f@cking without protection. Ok, I get that. I suppose Nick is going to lose a few of his former fucks to AIDS over the next few years. Nick's need to staying closeted for his entire life…ok, I get that too (again, the 80s thingie). Hmm…probably not. Keep on reading and you'll know why I didn't get it.

But then when his (view spoiler)[(ex) boyfriend got so terribly hurt (I mean he could have died, they escaped due to sheer luck and coincidence), Nick left him without a second thought because Daniel insisted on reporting the attack to the police. Nick "advised" Daniel to cover up the assault but he refused to do so. (hide spoiler)] Granted, Nick was afraid of losing his existence. After all, he'd been a gay police officer during the 80s. I kinda get that too. On second thought: Nope, I don't get it. Nick (view spoiler)[had feelings for Daniel. He had a really good life with Daniel and if I got that right then he was even in love with him. That's why I find his act even more cowardly not to stand up for his boyfriend. What the f@ck would he have done if Daniel had gotten killed? Would he have buried the body somewhere or would he have told the police that Daniel had suffered from a heart attack and a bunch of aliens had ravaged his friggin' face/head body? (hide spoiler)] My opinion has been reinforced because I just read a collection of poetry whose subject matter is pretty much ugly and terrifying and compared to what other people are suffering in this world, (view spoiler)[Nick having been 'forced' to reveal his sexuality (hide spoiler)] is a very small issue.

Don't mind my crazy musings, though. It's all about venting, right? Ok, he (view spoiler)[left him (hide spoiler)] and started his PI business and cut out his heart and acted like a cold, heartless, and unemotional bastard. After all, the poor sod had to protect his non-existent feelings. He's doing his PI work, is getting harassed by his former police coworkers and his 'dear' family members and starts having random hook-ups; lots of random hook-ups, that is. When he feels an itch then he needs someone to scratch it. I mean…yeah, let's f@ck, shall we? Pffftt. No biggie. No, scratch that. It is a big deal to me. I ended up f@cking annoyed! He sees a guy and f@cks him. And then what peeved me so damn much is the fact that he has such f@cking high standards when it comes to receiving BJs. He has no patience for men who are too reluctant. Mind you, he expects to be sucked off throughly and deep-throated, but here's the big deal: Nick gives really crappy head himself and he's aware of that minor detail! Cut down your standards, you moron! You don't have any business to expect anything special if you can't return the favor! Geez, I need a breather otherwise I'm going to combust!

The sex in this story must have been among the worst I've read in a darn long time. No chemistry. Nada. Zilch. It was terribly clinical and mechanical. Again, I don't mind random hook-ups IF THERE IS CHEMISTRY BETWEEN TWO INDIVIDUALS. Sex without love works just fine for me. In this story, however, there is so much terribly bad sex that provoked this kind of thought from me: Not even halfway through the book, I couldn't give a f@ck about it anymore.



Maybe it's time to point out that I read the entire book. After so many DNFs it's worth mentioning.

The personal highlight must have been at 51 %. Yikes. Let's have a little party, shall we? (view spoiler)[They swallowed a nice pill, got high and Nick proceeded along these lines: "Follow me, boys", and off they went into his bedroom and had a crappy threesome. (hide spoiler)] Jesus Christ on a friggin' crutch! Spare me please.

Also, what I've noticed is that Nick is unethical and immoral when it comes to his work technique. Anything to solve a case, right? I mean…yeah…f@ck this shit, Nick can f@ck anyone who walks on two legs, whether this person is a (view spoiler)[friend/buddy/roommate of a victim or a detective (hide spoiler)] or whatever. Oh, and it's always nice to have a little bit of meat on the side, just to keep you warm during the dark nights. Did you hear my sarcasm? To make matters worse, Nick also came off as somewhat incompetent. And why was it necessary to mention in every mystery that Nick is six-foot three and weighs a steady two-ten? BTW, the moustache didn't influence my rating but I sure as heck had to wipe it off my memory because, honestly, some men rock beards big time (which is fine by me) but a moustache is definitely a big fat no-go.

During the last few pages of Boystown I was like…"I can't even…" One of the biggest pet peeves ever. (view spoiler)[An injured (and convalescing) protagonist is having sex. Hey, it did hurt a bit but once again Nick was happy to hang out his meat. Sorry, he didn't hang it out, he was happy to put his pole into Harker's hole. (hide spoiler)] Nice ride. Not. Don't get me wrong, I could practically smell that would happen eventually but that doesn't mean that I have to like it!

Best thing about the book? Nick acknowledging that he's an asshole. Isn't there a saying about acceptance is the first step toward change? Happy redeeming journey, Nick, but most probably without me. Bottom line, when I can't give a flying f@ck about the main protagonist then it's a lost cause. I hope Nick is going to choke on his next dick.

Rant over.