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Parents are ‘clueless narcissists’ damaging their kids with delusions, says headmaster
Too many parents are 'clueless narcissists' damaging their children with delusions of creating a 'mini-me'
Too many parents are 'clueless narcissists' damaging their children with delusions of creating a 'mini-me', Sir Anthony Seldon, the outgoing headmaster at Wellington College, has said.
Sir Anthony also said parents need to be educated on working together with schools to educate their children.
His claims followed research that showed poor parenting is fuelling the rise in the number of youngsters who grow up with behaviour and educational problems.
Writing in the latest edition of Insight, the HMC magazine, he said: “"Parents need to be partners from the beginning. The expression ‘helicopter parents’ is an excuse for schools to push them away. We need to educate parents about good parenting and work together to educate the child.
“Preparing for exams is about 25 per cent of what schools are for and the other 75 per cent is helping young people develop intellectually, emotionally, psychologically and artistically, and we need parents to understand their role in that.
Sir Anthony Seldon
“Too many parents don’t have a clue what it is to be a good parent. Government and schools need to be clearer about what good parenting means. A poor parent damages their child, doesn’t let them become independent and wants their children to become a mini-me.
“They shout at the touchlines, they spend all their time at the school play videoing rather than watching the performance. This is a form of parental narcissism. Rather than letting the child be what they want to be they atrophy their child’s sense of development and autonomy."
He also said that if he became Prime Minister he would make all parents come to parent evenings.
He said: “If I was Prime Minister I would make everybody vote and all Heads would be able to insist all parents come to parent evenings. I tend to be quite strong with parents.
“They must respect the school and its teachers and are not permitted to speak to them in certain ways. On the school’s side, all children need to be respected, especially the naughty ones.”
His comments follow research published last year by the Sutton Trust finds that children who fail to develop strong emotional bonds with their parents before the age of three are more likely to be badly behaved and struggle at school.
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Writing in the same magazine, Tony Little, the headmaster at Eton College, said parents are increasingly living "vicariously" through the ambitions of their children.
He said: “At the same time there has been a growth in some parents living their lives vicariously through their ambitions for their children. They have an outcome template and when that doesn’t happen this can add to the stresses.”
Separately, British children are being tested "far too much", the former head of the civil service has said as he called for the government to overhaul the current exam system.
Lord O'Donnell said the government is "completely obsessed" with exam results and have a misguided belief that a child who scores well at GSCEs and A Levels will go on to secure a high-paying job.
The peer said a child's "wellbeing" was a far better indicator for what they will achieve after leaving school than exams results and called for head teachers to focus more on that than academic achievement.