As of Monday, I have a one-year-old.

How did this happen? Ok, so I was there for the birth, I’ll never forget how that happened but the rest, it seems to have passed by so quickly. Seriously, did someone press the fast forward button and forget to tell me?

We sent out invites to her birthday party a few weeks ago and a friend emailed back to say ‘good luck’ because she had ‘cried her eyes out’. I laughed, I’m not that soppy, I thought. Except, the closer we crept towards the big one, I realised I was feeling pretty emotional about the whole thing (thank goodness for cake*).

I’d be lying if I didn’t say there are a few things that I miss about life before baby - swearing, Sunday lie-ins and y’know my identity - but mostly since little ‘I’ was born, life has become bigger, better and, crucially, I’ve discovered the joy and anger that goes along with baby socks (So cute! WHY will they not stay on?)

Yesterday may have been her first birthday but there have been so many other firsts this year too. So, as I cry into a pile of muslins the size of the squinty bridge (‘you can never have enough muslins’ they say) I thought I’d share some of my favourite firsts of baby’s first year…

That first moment of amazing, unbelievable, unconditional love

Giving birth is the only blind date you’ll ever go on when you know you will fall in love. That first moment of pure, crazy mother love is better than cake (which you will eat a lot of), it’s better than dancing until the sun comes up in Ibiza (which you will never do again) and it’s more perfect than Ryan Gosling’s face.

However, it’s not just the first time you love so freely, it’s the first time you receive it so honestly too. And you get to tell all your friends about the enormity of that love through constant Facebook updates. Hurray!

'The first moment of unconditional love'

The first sniff of your baby

Eau de baby is intoxicating, even Tom Ford couldn’t create such loveliness. It’s so powerfully heady in those first few days it’s like the baby has taken the lead from a teenage boy and doused themselves in a can of Lynx.

However, it’s not just the smell of their soft, squidgy bodies, you even find the aroma of the yellow poop that explodes out of their nappies and races up their backs surprisingly pleasant too. That my friends, is the first sign of the insanity of parenthood. You literally love the crap out of them.

The first outing with the pram

I’ve had a thing for cars since I lived above a hot rod garage in my twenties but Lewis Hamilton can keep his motor; a new pram is sexier, more practical and it can gain you 20 minutes of baby sleep. And that, is priceless.

Plus, have you seen the size of the basket, I never have to carry shopping again (ok, for a wee while, I’d probably look a bit weird pushing the pram with no baby in it) and that is hotter than a twin-turbo 3.9 litre V-8 any day.

The first time you do something really gross…

And realise you’ve passed some sort of parenting milestone. Licked their puke off your arm without batting an eyelid. Check. Squirted breast-milk in their eye. Score. Er ‘helped’ them do a poo. Not a problem. Ah parenthood, isn’t it lovely!

The first time you look ( I mean really look) at your post-baby body

…?

The first time you feel the paradox of parenthood

Having children makes you feel like the strongest person in the world and, then again, feel so very vulnerable at the same time. The first time it hits you, it’s over-whelming.

In exactly the same way, having a child can simultaneously make you laugh and cry at the same time… like when they use your bladder as a bouncy castle.

Their first smile

Is it a fart? Is it a gurn? No, it’s the cutest, most toothless grin you’ve ever seen and YOU MADE THAT HAPPEN! And you will do anything, even doing a funky chicken dance walking down the street, to see it again.

The first time you leave their nappy off for some free bum time

Noooooo, not on the cream carpet!

The first time they are teething

I think she’s teething. Maybe it’s a cold. No, she’s definitely teething. Sleep regression? No, my mistake it’s teething. Perhaps she’s not. Actually, she’s definitely teething, look at all that drool. Yes, it’s a tooth! Hiya!

Repeat 19 more times.

The first time you go on holiday

Hey, here’s an idea, let’s go away to somewhere that’s a pain and a farce to get to, somewhere much more complicated and impractical than being at home (the home that you need to put in your suitcase to make it possible to go away with a baby) and have a lovely week worrying about the sunshine/rain/midges/mosquitos/cold so end up staying indoors. Wish you were here!

The first time you give them food

Hurray! She eats everything! Oh my, I am so smug, I have a baby that eats everything. This weaning is brilliant and LOL look at the amazing Facebook fodder! Here she is eating carrots… here she is eating broccoli, here she is with porridge on her face…

Four months later.

WHY, OH WHY WILL MY CHILD ONLY EAT BREAD? Does she think she’s French or something? Oh man, she’s going to be one of those adults who only eats cheese sandwiches and will have a BBC2 programme made about her. Urg. Weaning.

Cat Cubie weaning Baby Indy

The first time they crawl

She’s crawling! She’s crawling towards me… no, wait a minute, she’s crawling towards the sharpest most dangerous thing in the room. Don’t lick that plug socket. Put it down!

Would it be wrong if I decided that instead of baby-gro’s I wanted to wrap her in cotton wool instead?

The first time they cruise

Cruising, you learn, is not just something to do on your holidays (or if you’re George Michael, around public toilets) cruising is a milestone that means baby is just a step away from walking. We’re nearly there people!

The first time they say a word

Indy’s first word was duck. Well, I’m pretty sure she’s saying duck, I mean, like I mentioned, we’ve mostly given up swearing.

The first time you realise you survived a whole year

When you manage to drink a whole cup of hot tea, as your baby entertains herself with her first birthday presents. Ah the pinnacle of parenting success: hot tea!

So, I guess it’s fair to say that both Indy and I have learned a lot this year and, do you know what, that old identity of mine was probably a bit over-rated. I like this mum-me so much better.

Baby Indy's first birthday cake

So, Happy birthday my sweet baby girl. Thanks for being my first…. and, in one short year, being the making of me.

* Talking of cake, I cannot recommend the Butterscotch Bakery on Hyndland Road enough, not only did they make the most lovely lamb cake (without laughing at our nickname for Indy) but the cake itself was so delicious, it disappeared in about three seconds. Proof you can have your cake and eat it!

You can read Knee Deep in Nappies every Tuesday on Glasgow Live. You can also contact Cat directly via Twitter, follow her on Facebook and see her latest pictures on Instagram.