MOMSENSE

Help kids stay safe, calm during Hurricane Matthew

Sara Paulson
FLORIDA TODAY

My 9-year-old son crawled into bed last night, looked at me with his wide blue eyes and asked: “When is the hurricane coming?”

Krista Puente Trefz is a licensed psychologist in Melbourne who specializes in the emotional disorders of children and adolescents.

He was worried. I fumbled to find the right answer.

School’s been canceled. Shutters are going up all around us. And then there’s the vortex of social media of which my teenager is sucked in.

They know. Hurricane Matthew is about to get real. Really quick.

[READ THIS: Toddlers, storms don't mix well ]

I need to reassure them they’ll be safe without dismissing their worries. But they’ve already seen me stressing out earlier that evening, anxiously muttering to myself as I pecked away at my laptop.

I answered as best I could, telling him when we’d likely start feeling Matthew’s effects — and offering my two cents (actually, more like 20) about storm safety basics: Stay inside. Don’t wade around in standing water. Stay away from downed power lines. Be aware.

Gulp. Did I do right? I’m guessing I’m not the only Brevard parent thinking that right now.

How do we make our kids feel safe and secure – but not falsely so?

I asked Krista Puente Trefz, a licensed clinical psychologist at Baytree Behavioral Health in Melbourne, who specializes in working with kids. Trefz said it’s important to reassure children that any anxiety they feel is normal – and acknowledge their own stress.

“I think, sometimes, parents try to hide it too much,” Trefz said.

When you admit to your own anxieties, it opens the door to communication.

A mom of a 3- and 5-year-old herself, Trefz advises keeping it simple for the younger set: Such as, yes, there will be lots of wind and rain, and the power may go out.

“I tell my kids, it’s like a little kid having a bad temper tantrum,” Trefz said of talking to her own son. “And that’s what the hurricane’s going to be doing. It’s going to be just having a meltdown, a weather meltdown. He understood that.”

Hurricanes are daunting for anyone, after all.

“Speak in a way that they can understand,” Trefz said. Kids should know “it’s important for us to work as a family, and right now is not a time for not sharing with your sibling. We all need to be on the same page right now. Team Family time.”

(Amen on that sharing thing.) She offered some more helpful tips:

• Use humor during tense moments to help lighten the mood.

• Encourage kids to talk about how they can keep themselves safe. Trefz’s son, for example, was proud he told his teacher, “You can’t be outside” during a hurricane.

• We know it’s hard, but try not to have the TV/radio/Internet be a steady stream of fear. Stay informed, of course. But be cognizant of what your children are seeing and hearing. Kids don’t need to hear the grimmest of details.

• Get the kids involved. Have them help out with storm prep (as long as it’s safe). They can pick up their belongings scattered in the backyard, toys on the porch, etc. “Even getting them to help out, they feel less helpless,” Trefz said. “Getting them on board, it helps you and them. They’re actually engaged and not getting into trouble.”

[ STAY INFORMED:  The latest on Hurricane Matthew ]

• Be smart, older kids. Don’t go to the beach to just hang out with your friends. That's looking for trouble. And let your parents know where you are.

• Keep busy. Being indoors doesn’t mean no fun. Board games, watching movies (make sure to charge those portable players and tablets), and – gasp! – reading books are all fun. Just like old times.

• Be aware that with little kids especially, their worries can manifest via physical symptoms -- headaches, nausea, hyperactivity and so on.

I can attest to that. During 2004’s Hurricane Frances, my then-baby girl worked herself into a tizzy in a nearby computer room – and then yakked all over the place. (BTW, it’s no fun to scrape puke off your kid’s clothes (and yours) and then scramble back to your desk to make deadline.)

The calm before the vomit storm. Sara's daughter, Kristen, was just under two when she had to hunker down in the newsroom during 2004's Hurricane Frances. (She yakked, Mom cleaned them both up -- and managed to make deadline).

So when the first rumblings of sick stomach surface, be empathetic — and reassure them.

• Don’t just take care of the kids – take care of you.

“Reach out to your community, your neighbor, your friends,” Trefz said. “Don’t isolate yourself during the storm. Now’s the time to go knock on your neighbor’s door.”

• Use your time to help others. Pack a care package for people or animals who could use it after the storm. Check out social media for organizations that might be in need of  supplies or help (but again, be careful and only go out when safe). Maybe there are unused goods around your house that others could benefit from? (Trefz mentioned Cox Farm in Melbourne as an example, noting they’re in need of blankets, as well as volunteers to house a bunny indoors for the duration of the hurricane.)

“Even little things like that can be a distraction,” Trefz said.

All good stuff. So excuse me as I run home to take down the Halloween decorations my kid hounded me to put up last weekend. God knows no one wants to find a zombie squirrel or fake hand in their front yard or pool.

Stay safe, everyone.

Other resources

Trefz’s other tips for parents looking to ease their little ones’ worries:

Paulson is the editor of Space Coast Parent, a free monthly parenting magazine available throughout Brevard County.

Contact Paulson at 321-242-3783

or spaulson@floridatoday.com.

Twitter: @bysarapaulson

Facebook: /sarajpaulson

YouTube: @SaraPaulson