Rebecca Yarros on the risks we take as foster parents

Rebecca Yarros, author of Eyes Turned Skyward, shares her personal experience with being a foster parent.

Rebecca: I'm not naturally a risk-taker. I drive defensively, tell my kids to stay out of the puddles, hold the banister when I walk down the steps. I usually leave the risky business to my husband, who's a U.S. Army Apache helicopter pilot. But, the minute DSS placed a tiny baby girl in my arms for safekeeping, I became a daredevil.

When people realize that we're fostering our Little Miss, they're full questions, most of which I don't mind answering, except one: What will you do if she goes home? We've raised her over a year now, almost three-quarters of her life, and truthfully, there's only one way to answer that question: It's the risk we take. The next usual response is, "I couldn't do that." I'll nod my head, because I don't think I could do it for anyone but her. She's our first foster placement, and she'll be our last, no matter where she grows up, not because we've checked a block, or done our part, but because to us, she is irreplaceable. She is worth every risk that I've been terrified to take.

The risks we take as foster parents differ for all who volunteer, but unanimously, we risk our hearts, and if we don't, then we're getting this parenting thing wrong. I lost my heart to our Little Miss the moment I held her, and lost it again to the soundtrack of a cheering crowd as my husband came home from his fourth deployment, and I introduced them on the hangar floor. Witnessing the change between them, seeing his eyes soften with instant love, and hers brighten with infantile acceptance — that moment of sheer joy stands alongside the births of our biological children as the happiest moments of my life. Even if she were only ours for that moment, for her to feel our love for her, this will have all been worth it.

The motto of the foster parent is, "If only for a little while." After all, our purpose is tend to and love these helpless children until their paths are determined. We open our homes, our arms, our hearts, and in the process, risk rejection, pain and eventual loss. It's not what most people sign up for, but we've never been most people.

Foster parenting has positively changed every aspect of my life. When I was almost finished with my second novel, Eyes Turned Skyward, I realized even my writing reflected the risks we're taking. The themes of love, loss and risk are so prevalent that it seems my subconscious simply took control. Paisley, my heroine, is limited to a number of days by her heart condition, something she can't control, while we cannot control the unknown number of days we have with our Little Miss. My hero, Jagger, proclaims, "If it's between being numb the rest of my life or burning exquisitely for even a moment, I'll take the burn. The best things in life are worth the burn, the risk." That's how we feel as foster parents, that loving these children, is worth it all. Given the uncertain nature of the life we lead, I guess I can't be surprised that it bled over into my writing.

Foster parenting has taught me to breathe through frustration when things are out of my hands. To be the loudest advocate for a child whose voice could easily be lost in an overwhelmed system. It has taught me that family isn't biology, and to love without the promise of tomorrow. She has taught me compassion for strangers, patience, multitasking and acceptance for things I cannot control. We may be temporarily raising her, but she's the one teaching me.

So why do it? The first answer is easy: because someone has to. We've always felt that if every capable home took in a child, there would be no children without homes. The other part is, because love, no matter how long it lasts, is always worth the risk. My husband risks his life for the greater good every time he deploys. Why? Because to him, we are worth defending. We risk our hearts for our Little Miss, because she is worth the same, and we can't limit how much we love her. When we start to quantify love, or limit the time we allow ourselves to feel it, we've already diminished what we're fighting for.

So we'll take today, and any other amount of time we're given, because she and any of these children are worth every risk.

Find out more about Rebecca and her books at www.rebeccaelizabethyarros.com.