19 Scottish Quirks That Seriously Confuse The Rest Of The World

Because we're nails, Michael's mum. And also because since ancient times Scots had to transport tall pine trees down mountainsides and across gorges to build houses. They'd do that by chucking the logs, and it gradually evolved into a sport.

We just fucking love swearing tbh – it all started with swearing oaths of loyalty and fealty to clan leaders, using strong terms like "on god's blood" (s'blood) to prove how serious you were. Plus we've had a lot to get off our chests over the years.

Listen up, you lot. It's not an accent, Scots is a separate and distinct Germanic language (leid) that you can learn, which evolved in parallel with English. So hush.

Firstly, any excuse for a piss up. Secondly, there's a good chance St Patrick was born in a Scottish town called Kilpatrick in 387AD. And thirdly, loads of Scots are of Irish descent, particularly in Glasgow. So let them have a bit of fun, OK?

Because lots of us are a bit Italian. In the 1890s, thousands of Italians migrated to Scotland to escape a famine. One of the most enduring cultural legacies of the link between the two countries is the macaroni pie. Pasta in a pie = perfection.

We've got an extra-high tolerance for cold weather, and also a severe vitamin D shortage that affects our sense of judgement. Next question please.

Well, first of all they're delicious, but also, since the Middle Ages oats have been one of the main staple crops of Scotland, as not much else would grow in our sun-starved, dreich climate. So we learned to get pretty damn creative with them.

We mainly do this to fuck with visitors, of course, and also because crofters would store oats by making them into a thick paste with salt as a preservative. The paste would solidify, and it was served in slices like a sort of big, beige, savoury flapjack.

It's not disgusting, it's delicious. In the past it was another way to avoid wasting oatmeal and offal (animal organs), both of which were hard to preserve, so they were mixed together and then boiled in an animal's stomach. Waste not, want not.

It's not just New Year for us, it's a massive three-day celebration with its roots in Viking culture. Also from 17th century to the 1950s celebrating Christmas was virtually banned in Scotland, so Scots had to find another outlet for their winter partying.

Listen hen, it's juice if we say it is, OK? Also caffeine counts as a fruit in Scotland.

Because its fucking nice. Also, it cures hangovers, so its vital to our society.

Well, other Scottish people will know where, say, Penicuik is. And everyone in the town will be thrilled to get a shout out. It's not all about you.

This is because our country is the best one. It's also a way to lay claim to our land. When The Declaration of Arbroath was written in 1320, it asserted the "ancient distinctiveness" of Scotland in an attempt to deflect English aggression.

It's not rocket science. It's just that kids' tickets used to be half the price of an adult one. Also kids are half the size of adults, so it works on every level.

It's a contraction of "wee ane" or "wee yin" (meaning little one). So now you know.

Er, square sausage is perfectly normal, thanks. It's just sausage meat that's been left to set in a square tin instead of squeezing it into a weird, greasy skin-tube.

Originally, tartan was only really worn in the Highlands, but then the English banned tartan in the 1700s in an attempt to bring the warrior clans under control. When the ban was lifted we adopted it as our national costume as a big "fuck you" gesture.

Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Because our massive balls don't fit into trousers.

Glad we could clear that up.