Why I Didn’t Watch The Oscars Last Sunday
27February 26, 2015 by Katia
Dear Award Season,
I don’t know who you are anymore.
It’s not you. It’s me.
*meaningful pause*
Okay it’s actually you and by ‘you’ I mean ‘me’. I’m in a different place in my life right now, a place covered in Cheerios and scattered tiny little Lego pieces that dig into the soles of your feet. A place where if you want to get the attention of others you simply withdraw to the washroom and wait. I have two boys (2 and 5) and a full time job. Evenings are for all-you-can-cook-and-chore while weekends are for all-you-can-STOP AND DON’T!!! Quite frankly when all is said and done I have neither the joie nor the vivre left in me required to enjoy your company. We’ve simply drifted apart and I think you know where I’m going with this, Oscars. You have to go.
Just as soon as I’ve hate-watched the Red Carpet.
Okay go. STAY. GO. STAY. GOSTAY. I mean it.
I know that after so many years together it may come to you as a shock, but believe me, I have my reasons:
- Clean People Who Have Time to Clean up– Gee, thanks so much for taunting me and showering me (no pun intended) with an endless parade of freshly cleaned, coiffed and manicured individuals of both genders, none of whom is wearing stickers. And don’t think I didn’t notice the whimsical gowns and hair dos. We survivalists don’t do Whimsical.
- A Reminder of Your Place in Society in the Form of a List of Movies None of Which You Have Watched Nor Heard of – You think you’re so much better than me, don’t you, knowing exactly
who she itwhat (?) is Birdman? Oh, look at you, so cool and non-obsolete, but guess what, buddy… Okay, I’ve got nothing.
- 11:30pm – Really? Is that still a thing? I’m sorry, but I’m not taking on any new sleep deprivers at the moment. I’m at full capacity.
- Red Carpets Are a No No – you call it Red Carpet, I call it Ketchup Stains. Tomatoes Tom-uh-toes. Red comes in chalk, juice, jams and crayons. Red be bad. We no likey.
- “Who Are You Wearing?” Brings (Lower and Upper) Back Pain – What, this little number? Oh, this is Daniel. He is a baby and he lives in this Baby Bjorn. Okay, that’s not entirely true, he’s 2 now and he relocated, but my back still remembers this as if it was yesterday.
So peace out, friend. I’ll catch up with you in a couple of years. You wouldn’t believe how much it costs to remove the red from the carpet…
***
This was a Finish the Sentence Friday post on the topic “I can’t believe how much it costs to…”
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iamthemilk 
LOL I hear you on this one!! I haven’t seen any of the movies and I felt like crap watching glamorous people. Then they had to go and mention what they were getting in the goody bag!! Something like $160,000 value!!!! I threw up a little bit in my mouth and shut it off! Sigh. . . back to Sesame Street and Jessie.
Sesame Street totally improves my body image. 😉 Thanks, I LOLed reading this.
I love awards shows, but I feel you on this. And it was on way past 11:30! For the first time in thirty years, I fell asleep before the show ended. Also, I did manage to see a few of the movies this year, dialed them up in the January lull (my kids are a little older:), and it’s official. I am not cool or ironic. Boyhood was a snoozefest and Birdman had me going, wtf?
I bet that I would have the exact same reaction to both. I remember someone that I really admire posting on Twitter: Just finished watching Boyhood – #survivor. I thought it must be really emotionally intense, but I get it now 🙂
#survivor – I love that! Very true.
hhhaha!! That’s a fun take on the prompt! I myself watched the Ocars last year after a really long time…..and then I forgot to watch it this year!!
Thanks, Roshni, probably just means there wasn’t much worth remembering or watching it for this year 🙂
When will we stop having Legos in our feet, do you think? I really appreciate living on the west coast during award season, so that I don’t have to hate-watch (great word!) till 11.30pm. So with you on this one, Katia 🙂
To be completely honest, I would probably relocate from Canada to the west coast to watch the Oscars early. And I HATE Lego. Hate is a strong word yet if fails to capture the full intensity of my emotion when it comes to Legos. 🙂 Shabbat Shalom, friend!
This was a cute post. LOL! I invested quite a bit of time into the Oscars this year (even wrote a whole post!) Almost in a bucket list kind of way, because I’ve always wanted to do it, I watched ALL the movies and stayed up until after midnight to see the wrong movie win. I was very disappointed and seriously woke up on the wrong side of the bed practically five hours later on Monday. Was it worth it? No. Will I do it again? Probably.
I used to watch the Oscars religiously (even though to be completely honest, I don’t think I ever knew each and every movie competed in the Best Film category). I would still totally watch, it’s just that the sleep situation has been really horrendous and actually totally eats away at my joie de vivre. 🙂
Oh my gosh I only knew ONE movie that was up for an award. I couldn’t even watch it since I felt so ignorant.
Totes. I’ve actually ended up watching one on Netflix, not realizing it was an Oscar nominee 🙂
Oh, and can I just tell you how much I love that you’re now “diagnosed but still okay”? 🙂
haha…children huh 😉
I managed to turn on the television for the oscars, but I admit I did not know a single movie that was being nominated
EXCEPT the animated ones!!
This is life 🙂
I know, children, HA! I was actually thinking “too bad there’s no children show nomination, because I would have ACED it!” apparently there is. Sort of. This is how out of touch I am.
Does this “award show” give prizes for these things call “movies” that I hear about?
Possibly, but don’t quote me on this.
Well, Love, I completely relate to this and didn’t watch them either. I hadn’t seen a single one of the movies! Laughed out loud at the reasons why mom carpet is red 🙂 Also you wear the stickers on your pants very glamorously and my back still hurts from the Bjorn!!
Yes, the Baby Bjorn was totally ouchy. Thank you for complementing the Sticker look. It’s a look I often sport. I was once talking to some neighbour dads and realized afterwards that I had stickers on my face 🙂
PS and awwww you’re one of my very favorite people too!! ❤
Ha! I would love to watch the awards shows, but I simply cannot stay up that late. Plus, like you said, it’s a reminder of the glamorous life I don’t have. And, yeah, never heard of most of those movies either.
I know, Lisa! I am so used to not being able to recognize any of those names that this year I was quite shocked to find out I had actually watched one on Netflix, not realizing it was an Oscar nominated movie… 🙂
Yeah, I definitely find daylight between my life and the red carpet! I have to admit that I’ve never really been that into the awards shows. I’ll sometimes watch the movies or shows that win afterwards (isn’t that the point of the award shows; to get us to watch more?), but I just can’t get worked up about the real lives of the actors and actresses. Probably why I’m not into reality TV either….
Boom! And that is why I am now catching up on the movies of the late 90’s and early 2000’s. I remember trying to watch with my guys when they were little. Impossible. Not only did I not know the movies (shocking for me as I ‘m a theatre major and huge movie and Oscars fan) but they got bored so easily and kept interrupting. I mean come on – some of the awards are a bit dull but still …
Grinning here over your sticker photo. Just cleaned out my son’s closet and there were (still are) several stickers slapped on the walls. Funny – I thought they were all plastered on me. Apparently not.
I love this! Agreed that no mom wants red in her carpet. That is all bad!
I’m coming to this late but this was perfect! Loved “11:30, is that still a thing?” Hahaha. Feel exactly the same way. I saw one of the movies, Grand Budapest Hotel, and that’s only because it was one of the few already on demand. I can’t remember that last time I went out to a movie.