"Will You Be My Mentor" 5 Things to Think About When Asking and Answering

Chances are, you have either asked this question or have BEEN asked this question.

For some leaders, this question is a tremendous compliment. An exciting opportunity to take a keen individual under your wing, supporting them in their goals, pushing them outside of their comfort zone and — likely — a mutually beneficial relationship of trust.

For other leaders it can be viewed as inauthentic, and — frankly — a bit of a convoluted pain. Not having a clear understanding around expectations, time commitment or format. Expected to facilitate introductions, tactical advice and professional growth.

Questions these leaders may have found themselves asking…

What is Mentorship? How do I ‘mentor’ someone? What will they need from me? What value do I have? What TIME do I have? Formal? Informal? Do I see them? Do I call them? What is the best way to do this?

These are not uncommon questions to ask, if not out loud, certainly considered internally.

Now, let’s pivot to the ‘keen individual’ — in this case, we will call them a Millenial (I know, I know, I cringe at the word too, rolling my eyes when I read another article about “them”, but stay with me here)

Mentorship “asks” often develop out of two situations:

1.        I have found someone with whom I wish to be mentored. They are inspiring, interesting, successful (whatever that means to you), and I would love to spend more time with them.

2.        Someone told me I need a mentor… so I’m going to get one.

Questions these individuals may have found themselves asking…

What is mentorship? How do I find a mentor? What should I expect? What do I need to do? How often should I try to see them? Formal? Informal? Do I see them? Do I call them…. you see where this is going.

Interesting. Right?

Goal orientation is key, and this is the same of a mentorship relationship — it will evolve, just like all personal and professional goals — and you should have a clear understanding of WHY, HOW, WHAT and WHERE you are looking for the relationship before you worry too much about the WHO.

5 things to think about before seeking of becoming a mentor:

1.        WHY do I think I want/need a mentor or mentee?

Is it because someone told me I should? Is it because all of my peers (colleagues, friends, etc.) are doing it? Is it because I want to give back? Is it because I am seeking growth in my career? Why?

2.        HOW often do I want to meet with/speak with this person?

There tends to be a lot of pressure around formal vs. informal mentorship relationships. The only real key here is consistency. Some of the greatest value of a mentor can occur within a tactical situation (workshopping a particular challenge, or opportunity) but the most rock-solid relationships are built over time, with gradual and consistent work.

3.        WHAT will I do to ensure a reciprocal relationship?

Whether the mentor or the mentee, it is important that mutual value is found in developing a relationship. This doesn’t need to mean a massive professional leap, or a five-star introduction… but should be mutually respectful, intentional and — most importantly — mutually enjoyable!

4.        WHERE are you looking for mentors or mentees?

It is not uncommon for individuals to seek out mentors or mentees within their workplaces or industries. While these inter-organizational or inter-industry relationships can be valuable, it is also critical that we consider the benefits of seeking relationships outside of our ‘comfort zone’. As with the Medici Effect, the aha moments and best practices derived from often unassociated roles, sectors, industries and geographies can often be unmatched in their value.

5.        WHO is a good fit for you?

Here you are at the WHO. This is a big one. Leaders I have worked with have mentioned that inauthenticity where-in-which they feel mentorship relationships are sometimes founded. More often than not, they are looking for authentic relationships with mentees that develop organically, and over time, rather than a professional ‘advocate’ relationship. It isn't just about introductions, professional advice, and tactical support, but about developing, pushing beyond one’s comfort zone, and growing.                                                        

Sheryl Sandberg says it well, in her best-selling book “Lean In”

“I realized that searching for a mentor has become the professional equivalent of waiting for Prince Charming… (people) are told that if they find the right mentor, they will be pushed up the ladder and whisked away to the corner office to live happily ever after”

So in your search or agreement to a mentorship relationship, remember to ask yourself. Am I looking for Prince Charming / Being Prince Charming? It’s not about a golden ticket… it’s about a reciprocal, challenging, growth-oriented relationship. It evolves and takes different forms.

Don't get caught up in the antiquated "guru-disciple" model of the past -- instead, look around. Ask yourself WHY, and try not to take things so seriously.

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Have a great mentorship story to share? We'd love to hear from you!