30 Things Sexperts Want You To Know About Anal Sex

Which...seems like a missed opportunity in an abstinence-only curriculum, to be honest.

Anal sex is a type of sexual intimacy that people have always explored, but advice about how to do it and how to enjoy it are often lacking — especially when compared to advice about vaginal sex and oral sex. So BuzzFeed Health spoke with the following sex educators and sex therapists for the comprehensive anal sex education that was probably missing from your life:

Logan Levkoff, PhD, sex educator and author of Third Base Ain't What It Used To Be

Charlie Glickman, PhD, sex educator and author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure

Emily Morse, PhD, sexologist and host of the radio show and podcast Sex with Emily

Kat Van Kirk, PhD, sex therapist and author of The Married Sex Solution

"Because it's an uncomfortable topic, a lot of people experience it for the first time intoxicated, or unplanned when it ~accidentally~ goes in there," Van Kirk says. "If you’re going to have anal sex it should be talked about and both partners should be on the same page about wanting to give it a go."

That way, if lube or bodily fluids leak, you can easily throw these in the wash and won't have to worry about cleaning up the area, Glickman says.

He also says if you use gloves or condoms, don’t put them down. Instead, throw them out immediately and wash your hands after you're done.

Most people require some foreplay before vaginal penetration becomes comfortable, and it's no different with anal penetration, says Glickman.

"Tickle around the outside of the rectum while going down on your partner, because the more you can engage in anal stimulation erotically the more pleasure you can bring to that part of the body over time," Glickman says. "It’ll make it easier for the receiver to relax and enjoy what they’re doing."

He recommends using your fingers to make slow deep circles around the opening of the butt, like you’re giving a neck rub. You can also use a vibrator around this area if that feels good (just don't put it in the butt).

“The recipient is going to want to control the speed, the depth of penetration, and the positioning so that the experience can be as comfortable as possible, as well as injury-free,” Van Kirk says. "If the receiver is comfortable and enjoying it then that's only going to make it a better experience for both people involved."

To avoid chaotic shouting of directions, it's probably best to have a talk beforehand to get on the same page, she says.

“Figuring out what turns you on before engaging in anal is only going to help make your experience better,” Morse says. “Start out by having an orgasm so you’re feeling good, and then look into a mirror, take a lubed finger, and test out the area. It’ll help you get a sense of the type of pressure and pacing that you like.”

The tissue near your butt is really sensitive, says Morse, so it's important to go slow so you don't end up with any abrasions or tears in the skin.

"There are so many nerve endings at the opening of the anus that it could feel really good to just hang out at the opening," she explains. "It doesn’t have to be all the way in the first time, in fact I would recommend not going in all the way the first time."

You can even start with a pinky finger and work up from there. "Don't rush anal penetration," she says. "Take it one step at a time, until you start to feel more comfortable. We store so much tension in our asses, that you want to warm it up whatever way you can.

Yep, you can have anal orgasms from G-spot stimulation through the butt, says Van Kirk. That said, there's also nothing wrong with you if you don't orgasm this way.

"It's usually luck of the draw, because the G-spot anatomically, depending on the woman, could be more present along that wall and others may not be," she says.

"In most cases people get nervous, tighten up, and don’t enjoy the pleasure, so they can’t orgasm, even if they were one of the lucky ones."

The prostate is very similar to the G-spot, says Glickman, and the reason why men like prostate play is because, every time it's touched, it feels like the beginning of an orgasm. But instead of that feeling only lasting for a second, it lasts as long as it's being touched.

"The prostate is around three to four inches inside the rectum and about an inch in diameter," Glickman explains. "It's easier for a partner to find after a little flirting or foreplay because when the prostate is aroused it starts producing fluid that makes it fill up like a water balloon." Transgender women also have prostates, Glickman says, but if you're using hormones to transition, it may shrink and become less sensitive.

When you find it, Glickman recommends stimulating it the same way you would the G-spot. So take G-spot techniques such as the come-hither motion, small circles, windshield wipers, and tapping. He says to make sure you "stroke don’t poke," use your finger-pad not your fingernail, and take it slow and steady, starting with lighter pressure.

"Deep breathing reduces anxiety and it also relaxes the sphincter muscle, which is key for anal," Morse says. "Every time the receiver breathes in, you can push in a little more, and when they breathe out, you can pull out. The receiver should always be giving cues and letting their partner know when they're ready for more or not."

"People need to understand that sex is messy and things like leakage are going to happen sometimes," Morse says. "But if you have a healthy diet, healthy bowel movements, and you're with a partner who you feel safe with, there's no need to worry or freak out."

She recommends eating a healthy diet and knowing how your body reacts to certain foods. Some people can eat beans and have no problems. Other people will eat a burrito and be like this is the worst possible time to have anal sex. Listen to your body.

That said, there can be traces of fecal matter in the rectum at any time, says Morse, so you might just have to get over that if you're interested in ass play.

Regardless of the type of sex you’re having, bodies are going to make noise and that’s something you just have to own and try to laugh off, says Levkoff.

“Penetration of any kind is going to push air through the body, and air makes funny noises when it’s exiting,” she says. “It’s going to happen. If everyone was constantly worried about farting no one would be intimate with someone ever. It's hard to make sex pleasurable if you’re not in a good mindset.”

“A glass of wine can help ease your nerves, but people sometimes take it way too far, get really drunk, and then all they know is that the sex is really painful,” Morse says. “It’s much more productive to do something like breathing techniques, foreplay, or listen to a good playlist to help you relax.”

“Awkwardness doesn’t mean you’re not close with your partner or in a healthy relationship, it’s because we’re taught from a young age that sex is a taboo topic,” Levkoff says. “Bringing up to a partner a potential thing that you want to try is going to be uncomfortable regardless of what it is. I think that we forget that a part of sexual intimacy means being vulnerable and being able to have those conversations. That’s a human thing. It’s part of being sexually mature.”

So go ahead and acknowledge the awkwardness up front, she says. Say something like, “Look there’s something that I’ve always wanted to try. I know I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable bringing it up, but I am. Here goes...”

If you don’t have time to take a shower, Morse says you can just wipe down with baby wipes (just make sure the wipes are alcohol-free.)

And while some people prefer to remove the hair around the anus (because some say it’s more sensitive this way), be careful.

Being a little nervous is expected, says Levkoff. Something is about to go up your butt! But if you’re doing this to appease a partner or vice versa then it’s not going to feel good or go so well.

Do it because you want to do it. And stop if you want to stop.