With all due respect ... Thousands raised for little Joseph's funeral, and that's all we need to know

This Monday was like no other for Anthony DeNicola.

He spent part of it in a church, the other part in a cemetery.

In church, a little boy's life was celebrated.  At the cemetery, the little boy was buried.

He was 7.  Just 7.

Joseph was his name. Joseph DeNicola. Anthony's son.

Maybe you knew the family.  Maybe your son or daughter was in karate school with Joseph.

You've no doubt read, or at least heard, about the tragic incident.

Little Joseph was trick or treating on Halloween afternoon, doing what kids are supposed to do -- having fun.

A few hours later, Joseph was in the emergency room. A few days later, he was dead.

What set this little boy apart from many of the other kids out that day were his allergies and asthma.

So, too, his incredible smile.

Look at him.  You'd never know it.  His dad took care of him, and the fun-loving kid seemed to have it under control.

But something happened -- doctors say it was a fatal allergic attack, combined with the asthma, that sent him to anaphylactic shock, and that stopped his heart.

Joseph must have had attacks before. His dad used one of those EpiPens that so many have today to control Joseph's attacks.

This time he didn't bounce back.

You can't even begin to ask why. Why bad things happen, every day. Especially to little kids.

For a parent, it isn't just bad.  It is so far beyond comprehending what bad is, there's no use trying to describe it.

Staten Islanders reacted. They opened their hearts with an outpouring of sympathy.  Many opened their wallets.

As devastating as this story is, as tragic, as heartbreaking, this is where it gets ugly.

When bad things happen, Staten Islanders look for a way make it better. Some give of themselves. Others give money.

Big Ang -- Angela Raiola -- who gained fame looking the way she does while making drinks in a West Brighton tavern called the Drunken Monkey, held a fund-raiser with her sister to pay for little Joseph's funeral.

Someone also launched a website to raise money.

Staten Islanders gave. Last I heard, $29,000 was raised for the funeral. That was a few days ago.

Some people want to know why. Why so much?  Where is it going? A funeral doesn't cost $29,000, they say.  Maybe $8,000. What is the dad, who raised Joseph and another son, now 16 ... what is he doing with the money?

With all due respect, if you're asking, it's none of your business.

I have seen Staten Islanders throw money at a cause time and again. Maybe it makes them feel better. Maybe they see it as their only way to help.  Maybe they're saying, "There but for the grace of God go I..."

Whatever the reason, it's their money. Private money. Not taxpayer money.

The first time I experienced Staten Islanders need to give was in the horrific aftermath of September 11, 2001. The Advance was called on to begin a fund to help families who lost loved ones. I resisted, because I knew there was much discussion of government funds to help, and knew administering a private fund is an enormous undertaking.

But within a week of the disaster, we began a fund because we couldn't stop people from giving.  Cash and checks were mailed to the newspaper, without even an ask. Staten Island gave more than $1 million. The government gave much more.

Check them off: Staten Island gave to Hurricane Katrina victims all the way down in New Orleans through a fund-raiser philanthropists Lois and Rich Nicotra sponsored at their Hilton Garden Inn.

Staten Island gave to earthquake victims in Japan.

The Nicotras were back at it when they asked Staten Island to give to those crippled thousands of miles away after a typhoon swept the Philippines.

And then Hurricane Sandy happened. The Advance, the Nicotras and the Siller Foundation collected again, and Staten Islanders couldn't stop giving.

But people with big hearts cannot give to a Staten Island family to help pay for a little boy's funeral? To put some extra food on the family table? Maybe help Joseph's 16-year-old brother through a year or two of college?

Consider it a tribute to little Joseph.

I'm in the news business.  We ask questions. Healthy skepticism is a good thing.

The only question here is are we sure that every penny raised is going to the DeNicola family.

I don't know Mr. DeNicola.  But I won't hesitate to ask this question.

Don't you think he would do anything to erase what happened that horrible Halloween night, instead of accepting money in response to it?

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