1. "At least it's not cancer." You're right! Every day I am so insanely grateful that it's not [X horrible disease], but that doesn't mean I want to be reminded of it. I feel terrible that other people have it worse than I do, but it actually helps me to mope a little bit about how badly I've got it some days. I'm allowed to mope no matter how big my problems are comparatively.
2. "Oh, yeah, I get terrible cramps/pains/aches too." Girl, I'm sure you do. And I am not taking away from whatever miserable thing happens when you get your period because periods suuuck. That being said, I don't really want to compare your cramps or whatever to something that's sent me to the hospital a few times.
3. "You have to get your stress under control." Totally. I totally do! There is absolutely a connection between mental health and physical health, and I am constantly reminded of this when I manage to actually make myself sick. Thank you though for adding to my stresses about being stressed.
4. "But you look OK!" It takes a lot of time and effort for me to look OK some days. What you're looking at is a fully medicated, sometimes self-conscious, totally-prepared-in-case-of-disaster human who doesn't want you looking at her like she is nothing more than her disease. I'm happy to hear you judge a book by its cover though!
5. "Have you tried X drug? Or Y drug?" I truly appreciate your concern (and curiosity! I never mind if you ask respectful questions.) and I know you WebMD'ed my illness after the last time we spoke because you care. That being said, I tried that drug (and that other drug. And probably, like, seven other drugs) a few years ago at the suggestion of my doctor ... who has an M.D.
6. "My cousin's friend's sister has that and it's not so bad." The weird thing about bodies is that they're all different. Your immune system is different than my immune system and my problems are different than your cousin's friend's sister's problems.
7. "Did you try going gluten-free? My cousin's friend's sister went gluten-free and it solved all her problems." Going gluten-free solves problems for people who have celiac disease or gluten intolerances. Again, I'm super happy that you cousin's friend's sister is doing really well (Seriously!) but you're killing me, smalls.
8. "Wow, you're so young to be dealing with that." Yep. See no. 1.
9. "Weren't you just at the doctor?" "Chronic" means recurring. Dealing with chronic illnesses means dealing with recurring symptoms that require constant monitoring and treatment. I don't leave work every other week for fun — I do it for my health. It's really important that I stay on top of my doctor's visits.
10. "Is it fatal? Will you die?" I can't speak for everyone, but I vividly remember my doctor telling my panicked mom that my disease was "completely life-altering, but not life-ending" upon my diagnosis. I was 7 and that line has worked for me in the face of this question ever since.
11. "Oh, cool, I saw an episode of House on that once!" Cool! Did the episode end well? Or did the person die? I ask because one time I saw that same episode of House and it did not end well, so I texted my doctor frantically — yeah, I text my doctor, come at me, bro — who told me that TV is dumb sometimes.
12. "Oh ... that's gross." Love that you called my existence gross. Love! Thanks!
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Tess Koman covers breaking (food) news, opinion pieces, and features on larger happenings in the food world. She oversees editorial content on Delish. Her work has appeared on Cosmopolitan.com, Elle.com, and Esquire.com.
