The time has come. According to the Terminator clock, at 8:11 p.m. Tuesday, Skynet will become self-aware. And humanity will be screwed.
Going by canon set out in the Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles TV series, Judgment Day should hit Thursday. In these final few precious hours, there are several things members of the human race can do to prepare for total domination by our new artificially intelligent masters. Here's a quick guide.
- Attempt to Celebrate Doom Through Facebook
This may not necessarily save anyone, but for the brave few who choose to welcome our robot conquerers with open arms in hopes of making friends, there's a Facebook event dedicated to celebrating the day Skynet Becomes Self-Aware. It's already got nearly 7,000 people signed up to "CRUSHALLHUMANS/SAVE THE WORLD."
That might not be easily done, though.
"I've been spontaneously deciding how to at least mark the zero hour," said Scott McDaniel, the 39-year-old information architect from Atlanta who organized the Facebook event, in an e-mail to Wired.com. "I'm celebrating in meatspace by showing my fiancee's parents The Terminator for the first time -- as older, conservative Greeks it should be entertaining."
Warning: Don't "poke" newly sentient robots. They hate that shit.
- Don't Panic
If you've been reading your Wired magazine (and really, who hasn't?), you know that the AI revolution is already upon us and might not be so bad after all. There's a very good chance that all those Skynet minions will just keep going about their business. No nuclear warfare necessary.
Still, it's possible that all those animatronic doo-dads in Disneyland's "it's a small world" ride might get some bright ideas and start an uprising, so remain prepared. However, it's not required that you run screaming from your Roomba.
- Terminate Yourself
No, this is not a call for a suicide pact -- humankind should not go down without a fight. But until we're actually threatened with violence, just play it cool. Back when Terminator Salvation was released, the fine folks at Warner Bros. uploaded Terminate Yourself, a tool that can take any old headshot and make it look like a Terminator. Do this. Then put that picture on every online profile -- Facebook, Twitter, Match.com -- you've got out there. Act natural.
- Buy a Bunker
If things go according to the Terminator films and TV series, once Skynet becomes self-aware, the U.S. military will attempt to shut it down and the network will, in turn, freak out and launch a nuclear attack.
There's little that can be done in such a scenario. It's probably best to look into nuclear-safe bunkers. Find one and crawl in with an iPod or iPad loaded with reruns of Battlestar Galactica. Maybe visions of a different war against AI will serve as a welcome distraction from the actual carnage aboveground.
[via SF Weekly]
