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During the course of a relationship, difficult conversations are bound to come up. As a couple, you have to find a way to have hard conversations and communicate openly. No time is this more necessary than before exchanging vows.
You don’t have to discuss it all at once, but below are a number of topics you’ll want to talk about before you walk down the aisle.
Financial Matters
Money is one of the most taboo topics in American culture. Regardless of how hesitant we are to talk about it, financial issues have serious repercussions on a marriage. Finances are one of the top reasons for divorce in the country, which means having an open and honest conversation is critical to the success of your marriage.
You’ll need to discuss both assets and debt. Some people are surprised to find that their significant other has thousands in debt that will become shared in marriage. That may sound shocking, but keep in mind many common problems can be solved with credit repair and better budgeting.
Once everything is out in the open, you can work together to create a financial plan that sets you up for success. Discuss how your assets will be combined, whether you will open a joint account together, how debt will be paid off and who will pay each shared bill. It’s also a good idea to check your credit scores and look for ways to make improvements so getting a home loan will be easier down the road.
Starting a Family
Having kids, or deciding to not have them, is the most important decision two people can make as a couple. With a decision this big, you have to be on the same page. Imagine getting married only to find out that your partner doesn’t share the same dream of having children. It’s a problem that causes couples to separate every day.
Start the conversation by being honest about whether you want to have kids. If you both foresee children in your future the next points of discussion are how many children you want, how far apart you want to have them and when you want to start having babies.
In addition to discussing if you want kids, something else you may want to talk about is how you feel about fertility treatments, surrogacy, and adoption. All of these non-traditional methods are on the table, but that doesn’t mean they’re right for everyone. Older couples, in particular, should discuss all of the possible options if starting a family is a top priority.
Past Struggles With Addiction
Few people realize there’s a direct connection between addictions like alcohol use and divorce. Addiction comes in many forms. For some people, it’s religiously betting on their favorite sports team, and for others, it can involve the use of alcohol or drugs. Some addictions may seem “healthier” than others, but they can all have their difficulties.
Even if you have things under control now you owe it to your fiancé to let them know about your history. Instead of passing judgment, focus the conversation on discussing how you’ve overcome the addiction and how your significant other can provide support.
Living Arrangements
You probably already have an idea of what the living situation will be like right after the wedding, but what about five years in the future? Does one partner have a dream of living abroad for a few years? Is moving away from family a deal breaker?
Before getting married have a conversation about your short-term and long-term living arrangements as well as your goals for the future. Keep in mind, a home is the biggest investment most people will ever make. When you’re married it’s an investment you make with a partner so you should both be happy with the deal.
Why You Want to Get Married
This may sound like a strange topic of conversation. A lot is assumed but not spoken about after a proposal when you’re busy planning the wedding. People get married for the wrong reason all the time. It’s common for married couples to say they rushed into marriage a little too quickly and it affected their expectations.
Don’t think of it as a conversation about “why do we want to get married” but rather “why do we want to get married right now?” This may help you decide how long of an engagement period you want to have so you don’t feel rushed.
Remember to keep couple conversations productive and nonjudgmental. Look at matters from both perspectives and understand that marriage means compromise so you might as well start practicing. Tough conversations can feel like a threat to the relationship, but when you communicate transparently it can actually strengthen the bond.
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