Can Sting keep The Last Ship afloat?

If New Yorkers want to see Sting live, they can hop a plane to Auckland and pay NZ$700 for a prime seat at the Vector Arena. The more thrifty can head to Broadway’s Neil Simon Theater when Sting steps into The Last Ship, a move designed to calm a choppy box office. From 9 December to 10 January, the King of Pain, who wrote the show’s music and lyrics, will assume the role of shipyard foreman Jackie White.

Every step he takes. Every move he makes. Every reprise he delivers. They’ll be watching him.

The show has been troubled since it opened to decidedly mixed reviews. Sting’s songs and most of the performances earned praise. The story, which rigs a pretty inspiring tale of shipbuilders uniting against redundancy to a distinctly soggy love triangle, didn’t. The New York Times politely called the book “unfocused and diffuse”. The Independent said the show was “cliche-ridden, predictable and depthless”. As early as 30 October Broadway soothsayer Michael Riedel prophesied a flagging box office and suggested Sting clamber onstage to boost sales.

On the one hand, it’s heartening to see a rock star committed to his theatrical venture. For every Boy George, who slathered himself in lipstick for Taboo, there are lots more who couldn’t or wouldn’t volunteer. You never saw Bono offering to try on the Green Goblin mask or the Edge signing on for a few performances as Mary Jane when Spider-Man fell upon sticky times. Just think how a resurrected Tupac would have boosted Holler If Ya Hear Me’s ticket sales.

On the other, while a stint in the show will steady a faltering box office, it probably won’t keep the musical afloat without secondary investment. Producers want it to run into the spring, when Tony voters cast their best musical ballots. And Sting’s live singing won’t cure what ails the show. In fact, it might make it worse – an anchor disguised as a life jacket.

What’s wrong with the musical isn’t its lack of star power. If you look around on Broadway, the long runners aren’t there because producers attracted boldface names, Chicago excepted. Musicals endure because they practically throttle an audience with melodic and emotive force. (Or because they’re based on a Disney flick.) Unlike straight plays, they tend to make stars rather than recruit them.

And Jimmy Nail, whom Sting will replace, gives the show’s most charismatic performance. Sting is a Broadway veteran, having performed in The Threepenny Opera, and obviously feels a deep and sentimental connection to the material, which echoes his own Newcastle childhood. But Nail offers a resonant and rousing turn. I don’t know his shoe size offhand, but I imagine those are some pretty big boots to fill. Nail isn’t well-known over here, but audiences might feel his absence. Sting’s a bit old for the role, but he’d be more valuable as Gideon, the most autobiographical part. And what a sensation if he played love interest Meg!

But even the most scandalous casting won’t help the plot – or the show’s pervasive sense of gloom. Even though both narratives end happily enough – the men build their ship, Meg goes off with the right guy – The Last Ship still somehow feels like a bit of a downer.

Of course, while cheer and pep keep the tourists coming, they’re hardly essential qualities. Les Mis managed without confetti cannons and no one has called Phantom a knee-slapper. But a successful show does need supreme confidence in the story it wants to tell and an ability to communicate it powerfully to the audience. Without that, every little thing Sting does, onstage and off, won’t be enough to turn this ship around.