1. You don't know where your passport is. Or if it's expired. Or if you ever had one.
2. When people talk about their latest getaway, you jump in with details on yours…before giving a dated reference ("I got to watch Ruben Studdard win American Idol from the plane!") and realizing your trip was at least two presidents and 10 pounds ago.
3. You have to concentrate on not accidentally demanding "Take me with you" when people mention the trip they're currently planning.
4. Commercials for cruises and exotic destinations occasionally have the same effect that diaper ads with bouncing babies have on pregnant women: You well up with tears. (But you're not hormonal; you're relaxation-deprived.)
5. You say yes to all the invitations you get for weddings, baby showers, holiday barbecues and family get-togethers without noticing that these all take place during prime vacation weeks.
6. Scrolling through your Facebook feed full of friends' getaway photos makes you feel the opposite of the happy, blissful, rejuvenated vacationers in the pictures.
7. You pretend to listen with interest as an acquaintance details her hotel, excursions and meals during her latest jaunt, but if your internal soundtrack could play out loud for all to hear, it'd go something like, "LA LA LA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU, LA LA LA."
8. You buy a new swimsuit, vowing to go somewhere tropical in the near future, and when you put it away in your bottom drawer, you see a few other never-worn swimsuits you also bought in case you ever take a trip.
9. As you're changing over your closet for the switch in seasons you see a large rectangular object in the corner. You swear you've never seen it before and assume the people who lived in your house before you must've left behind some treasure. You try to push it closer and it rolls toward you. Then you realize it's your suitcase, the one you haven't touched in years.
10. You order pina coladas at a local bar or restaurant for an ounce of that on-vacation feeling.
11. You look at airfare on a whim and can't believe how expensive it is to fly two hours in any direction. When you tell a jetsetting friend the prices you found, she thinks it was SUCH a deal.
12. You wonder why you don't hear jokes about airplane food anymore. Is it because it's better now?
13. You see a photo of a foreign airport and think it looks like it's from the future. But it's actually your nearest airport. Five years ago.
14. You've finally saved enough money to take a vacation.
