Greetings!
Welcome to the Christ Quest Ministries newsletter. We would like to touch base with you to be an encouragement to you as you seek to follow in the footsteps of the captain of our salvation.  It is our goal that each newsletter will be just that, with reminders, information, news, insights, testimonies and more.  We would love to hear from you. Would you let us know what you are interested in hearing more about?  So, with that said let’s jump in. 
So for now, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy this edition.  Thanks again for spending part of your day with us.
Ken’s Korner
From the founder of Christ Quest Ministries’ book, “Discovering the Mind of a Woman.”
(Ken speaking)
“Then came the really disturbing thoughts.  How could I be the spiritual leader in our home if I was not sensitive to my wife’s spirit?  I began to wonder, what really is a spiritual leader? 
            That moment was the first step in the funeral of Ken Nair’s egotistic self-centeredness.  It was also the first step in along journey that has given me a lot joy.
            At that point I asked God to change my focus from angry, reactionary “poor me” attitudes to ones that pleased Him.  I specifically pleaded with God for three things:
  1. That God would help me learn how to meet the needs of my wife, to understand her mind, her way of thinking, her innermost feelings.
  2. That God would show me how to love my wife so that she would be able to experience more than just hearing me say “I love you.”  As God’s representative, I wanted to have her experience God loving her through me, to bless her heart through me.  That would include learning how to love her from her frame of reference.
  3. That I would learn how to be the spiritual leader of my home.  That my spirit might become so sensitive that I would become aware of the Holy Spirit leading my spirit.
 
I had no idea what these three requests would require of me in the future.  If I had known then what God would take me through to fulfill my requests, I might have backed off.
      So did I instantly become a spiritual leader in my home, sensitive to my wife’s spirit? Far from it.
      You see, I, too, realized only later the radical nature of the three principles of marriage I had stumbled onto as a result of that experience.  They have become the foundation stones of my ministry to men ever since then.  (More next time)
“Can I Get an Amen to That”
Because of Christ Quest Ministries’ truly Biblical, but unique perspective, in light of most marriage teachings, I am always fascinated when hearing or seeing that others are promoting some of the same ideas we promote as we seek to help people.
One such idea or concept is this whole idea of being “emotionally functional.”  I think that it is safe to say that being emotionally functional; that is being able to identify with and name a multitude of emotions is not a capacity that many are familiar with. That ability especially for us men is not widely being taught, especially in the church. 
Being emotionally functional has also had feminine connotations assigned to it as well.  However, it should be a lifelong pursuit and its importance should be stressed.
In our Christ Quest Institute we’ve built that kind of training into almost every lesson during our three year curriculum. Understanding our emotions is integral to building a genuine spirituality and true godliness. 
We will talk more about that in future newsletters.  For now, though, I want to draw our attention to a surprising book that is being heralded in the secular market place and is addressing emotions in a very concerted and similar way to us. Its title is, “Emotional Intelligence 2.0” by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves, cofounders of TalentSmart, a global think tank and consultancy that serves more than 75% of Fotune 500 companies.
The authors, through their own research along with others, give strong support to getting in touch with your emotions and actually writing them down, an exercise we as men often find challenging at best and distasteful at worse. Bradberry and Greaves give monetary incentive to the idea of growing in emotional awareness. They reveal research which indicates that improving your emotional intelligence by just one percentage point will actually increase your earning ability by $1,300 a year. Well, there it is gentlemen; finally we can make some money at this stuff. Oops, did I say that out loud. 
Here is a quote from page 67 of the strategies for developing personal awareness.  “The key to observing the ripple effects of your emotions is to watch closely how they impact other people immediately. And then use that information as a guide for how your emotions are bound to affect a wider circle long after you unleash the emotion. To fully understand the ripple effects of your emotions, you’ll need to spend some time reflecting upon your behavior. You’ll also need to ask other people how they are affected by your emotions.” 
Here is another from page 78. “Keep a journal about your emotions.  The biggest challenge to developing self-awareness is objectivity. It’s hard to develop perspective on your emotions and tendencies when everyday feels like a new mountain to climb. With a journal, you can record what events triggered strong emotions in you and how you responded to them.” How about that? Sounds a lot like using the 3X5 Event Cards and script. We’ll be talking some more about this next week.
Also, if you stop and think about it the whole book of Psalms is about King David recording events that affected him emotionally and then recording the emotions he experienced from the event. Then he turned to God to see what He was doing in his life through it.
Principles or Projects, Something to Think About
Each week in this section, I want to talk about one of two concepts; being understood and practiced will keep us in a good place, but when violated will send us in a downward spiral that no one around us, including ourselves will enjoy.  Those two concepts are principles and projects.
A principle is defined as “a law or fact of nature that explains how something works or why something happens.”
For example: What goes up must come down. Illustrated by throwing a ball in the air and then catching it on its way down.  Violation of this principle might look like a child who throws a rock without awareness as to its trajectory and watching it sail through a window pane.
In the same way, an example of a spiritual principle might be:  “Because God loves us, the specific differences between men and women are meant to accomplish specific spiritual purposes in each of our lives.” “The differences between men and women are just as distinct spiritually as they are physically.”
Let me illustrate:  In a book in the Bible called Ephesians in chapter 5 verse 25 the author, Paul, states: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Do you know that there are no scriptures like this for wives in the Bible?  Husbands are told 5 times in the Bible to love their wives.
I have come to realize that there is no verse in the Bible that tells a wife directly to love her husband. That truth is astounding to me. In a book in the Bible called 1Peter, the author, Peter, writes: “Husbands likewise live with your wives in an understanding way…” There it is again. There is no corresponding verse in the Bible that tells wives to understand their husbands. In fact our prayers will be hindered if we do not live with our wives in an understanding way according to that verse.
So, something different is being required of men, (husbands), than is being expected of wives. Wow, there is a principle revealing how things work here. If I expect my wife to understand me as a priority before I understand her or her to love me as a priority over me loving her then I will unknowingly throw a “ball” with unawareness and it will break a relationship “window.”  In other words when things are getting crazy in my marriage, maybe I am violating a principle of the way things work in a marriage and I should reevaluate what is really going on. Maybe I am either not as loving or not as understanding as I think I am. Something to think about.
Oh, we will talk about projects next time.
Well, that is all for this week.  We pray that you enjoy your week and grow in your quest to be more like Christ!
From the Southern California Office
Marie and I were so pleasantly surprised by the improvements in our own marriage and walk with God and the wisdom and truth that were part of Christ Quest Ministries that with their blessing we opened an extension office in Southern California.  That was 10 years ago almost to the date.  Prior to opening this office we were on staff at a large church in the South Orange County area working with couples for 24 years.  Each week, in our Christ Quest Institute classes, we not only saw our own walk with God challenged, we also got to be involved with others who are seeking to be more like Christ.  It is not always easy but it is always rewarding.  We have been married for 38 years this July and have 3 children, two of which are married with our 6 grandchildren.  You can reach me: Dave Taylor at 949-291-1191 or email me at david@christquestministries.com.
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