Start Saying Yes to Saying No
Elad Levinson
Unprecedented change requires transformational change skills and tools. I have been a researcher and coach/consultant on change at every level-individuals, teams and organizations in for profit and not for profit worlds.
In many industries, fear and ambition drive our willingness to do anything to succeed. But doing what is worthwhile and essential requires discernment and courage. Saying “I won’t” may sound like a red flag to supervisors. But saying it with intention, and not as a knee-jerk reaction based on your moods, is crucial for strategic career planning – and for your well-being.
Here’s an example.
Katie is a new HR team member for a European software firm. She works for the parent company in New York. Her European counterparts have very different work/life balance expectations. She is used to saying yes to after-hours projects, regardless of the cost to her health or personal life. Her colleagues joke about her lack of backbone to stand up to higher ups for wanting a life outside of work. She argues that the idea of a weekend without working is laughable in New York.
The contrast between how her peers view work and her past experience has her thinking about what is right, essential and worth her effort.
Mindful Quandary
I would argue that Katie is having a “mindful quandary.” There’s a tension between giving up health, happiness or a strategic career perspective to achieve an unsustainable ideal. What makes it a mindful quandary is that she is conscious of the need to change, and the inherent dangers of not changing now.
Ask yourself these questions when deciding if you should say yea or nay.
- Does saying yes to an assignment relate to the team/organization’s goals? If not, talk with your manager about how to ensure your “yes” contributes to the greater good of the project or company.
- Will my efforts have an impact towards something important in the future?
- Will saying yes satisfy key people whom are important to your success? Pleasing others isn’t always a useful criterion when saying yes or no. Make the distinction between people pleasing to build alliances and pleasing others that turns into a never-ending job with little personal satisfaction.
- Will saying yes showcase your talents? When you recognize an opportunity to focus on your strengths, go for it. You’ll most likely be successful when you work from your strengths and natural talents.
In subsequent blogs on the theme of “The Power of Won’ts,” we will learn to skillfully act on:
- Making choices that help you gather your power to say “I won’t”.
- Bringing focus to what you will do by being clear about what you won’t do.
- Recognizing what stops us from acting on “a won’t” when it is the right thing to do.
- Learning to say no without coming across as stubborn or lazy.
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CEO, President, COO. GM, Wholesale, Retail, DTC Fashion, Beauty, Personal Care, Wellness, Perfumes' Fragrances' - MBA DeSales University, BS Business Management, Penn State
3yBravo!
Regional HR Operations Lead @ Svitzer | SHRM-SCP
9yMost of the time, we say Yes with the fear of rejection. The fear of not getting project to work & given out to your peer. We live with hopes to do/perform better & while traveling on this path, we hide our ability to identify right opportunity in contributing towards organisational goal. And keep on adding to our palate which is impossible digest completely. We overlook our limited capacity to digest everything. The end result often would be 'Setting ourselves for the failure' & then it is too late to blame all possible circumstances like supervisor support, external market condition, etc.
Non-Executive Director | Emerging Tech | Cybersecurity | Psychotherapist
9yReminds me of Chapter 44 of Tao Te Ching "Your fame or your health..which do you love more? Your life or material wealth, which is more valuable?.."
Instructional Design
9yI think the most valuable approach is to attempt to understand intent. When one learns to read beyond the initial expression and sees the intent behind it, they have a much better understanding of why something is important to another. If a professional for example; who happens to be an employee, is concerned about a decision because, according to their understanding of their profession, it is a bad decision; then that should be a prompt to reconsider that decision in the first place. This attitude of course, presumes that they are hiring people who have good intentions toward the development of their own careers because they have been successful in contributing positively toward their employer's growth and success - and it is apparently a mindset not ubiquitously shared amongst employers - some of whom still regard their staff within a "last century paradigm" as tools comprised of bodies in their kit, rather than independent minds with a "different" and more comprehensive set of values to contribute toward the success of their enterprise.
CT Supervisor at UCSF Health
9yAlthough I totally agree with what the author is stating, I do believe most work decisions we make are depending on our job market and not individual needs. People who work in positions like healthcare and marketing will work longer hours as needed to get the job done. Finding a job is already competitive, so for the person who says no, there will be 20 who says yes. Finding a happy medium between work and life could happen, it may take years of experience and job knowledge to complete it.