The halachic definition of hatred is the opposite of the definition of love. Love is empathetic connection. It's wanting to do good for another person because you view him as yourself. Hatred is detachment and alienation. Fulfilling the commandment of rebuking one's friend is about building connection. Avoid defensiveness by speaking to the person privately, and addressing the action itself. Train yourself to focus on the present. Don't bombard the person with past mistakes. Give the offender an escape hatch. Affirm that you value their intent to correct their wrongs. See the other person as yourself and review times in your own life where you made mistakes. Think how you would have wanted others to correct you.
What if the problem is the way the person is and not what he's done? Perhaps the two of you have very different personalities. Approach every situation by thinking of how you can help the person and what you can learn from him. The Torah forbids revenge.
When a person suffers an insult, he often feels vulnerable, small, and unable to cope. The feelings are increased by the other person who may seem powerful and frightening. The sweetness of revenge is in equalizing the relationship. If you cut off his leg, he will become vulnerable too.
But life isn't about feeling small or suffering pain. Hashem puts us in different situations to uplift us. If you feel vulnerable, you can utilize the feeling as a means to improvement. Taking revenge just belittles you and the other person. You become everything you disliked in the other person, uncompassionate, callous, and cheap. Bearing a grudge is still playing the same game. You don't get uplifted by it. A better response would be to be brave and big, and to give the other person what he really needs, without speeches or smirks. In the worst case, he could ignore the fact that he didn't help you. In the best case, he'll regret what he's done.
Ona'ah is hurting another person with words. If you strike back by making the offender feel hurt and vulnerable you become what you despise. You might feel like the victor in the short run. But in the long run, you've made yourself smaller. See your opponent for what he is, a person who is critical and wants control and affection. Don't let him stay big in your mind. Bring him down to your level. Even better would be to raise yourself up and move into nurture mode. The reality is that someone criticized you. Stay in the present. Don't go backward.
If he's always been that way, then move on to the next step. Hashem wants you to realize how vulnerable you really are. Your job is to ask, "Where's my tikun?" Either I'll be a person who benefits others or I can say, "So that's how someone feels when you criticize him," or "It's no coincidence that this person crossed my path. How can I help him and what can I learn from him?"
The responsibility to draw up a clear contract between an employee and employer is on the employer. One should not wait till the job was completed to set a price. An employer is obligated to pay his workers before nightfall. If he doesn't have the money, he must tell his workers that their wages will be delayed. If an employer hired you knowing he doesn't have the money to pay you, you're obligated to take him to beit din. If you refrain from asking for your wages you are giving him inappropriate leeway. Parents are not responsible to pay for damages done by their children as kids tend to be unpredictable. However, letting a child destroy other people's property is wrong.
Lashon hara affects the speaker, the listener, and the person being spoken about. The speaker may be saying something true but there's a vast difference between his truth and the real truth. Most times it is better to avoid negative speech, but sometimes as in the case of shidduchim, one could be required to speak. In such cases you can say, "I don't know, but I can tell you my experience." You can express what you found negative in a positive way. In cases where the issue could affect the person in the future, a shaila should be asked how to deal with the matter correctly.
Lashon hara may give you momentary attention. If you talk about people it puts you in a superior position. But when you say something negative it changes the way you look at people. You lose your ability to see the world accurately. You have to be careful not just for your own sake but for the listener's sake. You usually don't have the whole picture and people tend to hear what you didn't say.
There's a mitzvah to love a fellow Jew. One should speak well of people. Repeating positive stories about people makes you find the grace and goodness in Hashem as His soul filters down to the human soul. Give people respect by making eye contact with them, listening attentively while they speak, and valuing what they say. They will then reveal more of their positive self to you. Another way of bonding with others is to pray for them. Still another way of connecting is noticing what people need. By becoming a giver you become a more expanded person.
