The Tyranny of Tradition

For years, Hatebreed singer Jamey Jasta was thought to be one of the baddest men on the planet.  Jasta, a bandana wearing, tattoo-covered wildman, fronted one of the most rock’em-sock’em groups in the metalcore universe.  Hatebreed was a name that inspired fear in the hearts of men, women and children alike.  When Jasta howled the lyrics from songs like “Destroy Everything” and “In Ashes They Shall Reap” God-fearing, stability-loving citizens of this Great Republic cowered in terror.  All those years, Jasta was carrying a secret that threatened to shake the very foundations of the metalcore world.  Jamey was a former Mouseketeer.

Many of today’s top celebrities emerged from the 1990s version of The All-New Mickey Mouse Club. Keri Russell, Justin Timberlake, Brittney Spears, Christina Aguilera and Ryan Gosling were all part of the shows star-studded cast.  There was also a quiet, well-mannered, golden-throated young man by the name of Casey Shanahan.  He was only on the show for the 1990 season and is best remembered for a duet version the Ben E. King classic “Stand By Me” he performed with Spears.  His contract was not renewed and “Casey” disappeared into obscurity.  At least, that’s how the story goes.

Casey, who went by James when he wasn’t on the show, started a hardcore band with some of his friends back in New Haven, Connecticut that became one of the top selling metal acts of all time.  He claimed that during the time he was supposedly on the show, he was a mild-mannered high school student who listened to a lot of Slayer and avoided pop music like the plague.

CNN’s Picture of “Casey” Jasta. He Is The Blonde Kid Standing Up In The Back With The Striped Shirt

Jasta has been hounded by rumors of his connection to the Mickey Mouse Club for years.  In 2005, a fan at a concert in Dallas, Texas, was arrested for trying to sneak backstage at a Hatebreed concert to get his Mickey Mouse Club tee shirt signed.  The fan, Dutch Engstrom, claimed in an interview with police that he had remembered “Casey” from the show and simply wanted to congratulate him on his success.  Hours later, Dutch reportedly hung himself in his prison cell.

Pike Bishop, a reporter with the Washington Post, was ready to run a story on the Jasta-Mouseketeer Connection when he was told it would not be published by his editor.  Days after the story was killed, Bishop died of a mysterious bacterial infection from consuming tainted shawarma at a Middle Eastern restaurant in Georgetown.

Deke Thornton, a stagehand on the 1990 Mickey Mouse Club show, contacted a publisher about potentially writing a tell-all novel about Jasta’s role on the show in 2009.  Minutes after his phone conversation, his San Antonio home was destroyed by a stray missile accidentally launched during a US Army training exercise.  He and his entire collection of 53 flat-tailed spider tortoises died instantly.

Finally, on Monday evening, CNN’s Wolf Blitzer ran a story showing clear, photographic evidence of Jasta’s time on the popular Disney channel show.  After the broadcast, Blitzer and his golf caddy Freddie Sykes were mauled to death by zebras in the CNN parking lot.  Police are calling the attack an accident.

Jasta himself has remained silent on the matter.  He has yet to comment on the CNN story or any of the other reports of his involvement with the Mickey Mouse Club.  However, his image as a warrior of true metalcore may never recover from the stories and pictures of his misspent youth.