The two London clubs can be happy with that, as can Leicester. Man City have no right to be intimidated by anyone given the huge resources in their armoury. And as for Celtic, well, you could almost say they’re the Lincoln Red Imps of this group.
Group G: Leicester, Porto, Brugge, FC Copenhagen. Claudio Ranieri is half-way to Cardiff already. You can almost see him frolicking in the Cotswolds as we speak.
Here’s Roberto Carlos to draw the teams from Pot 4. He takes a huge run-up and blazes the ball miles wide off. After it’s retrieved we find that Arsenal’s final opponents have been identified: Ludogorets, the Bulgarian champs. So:
Group A: Arsenal, PSG, Basel and Ludogorets. Another runners-up spot secured for Wenger, I’m saying.
Group C: It’s shaping up to be yet another nightmare draw for Man City, who’ve just had Monchengladbach thrust upon them along with Barcelona. Booing the venerable Champions League anthem sure doesn’t bring much luck.
Leicester’s Pot 2 opponents will be Porto, who thrashed Roma in a qualifier this week to reach this stage. A chance, then, for Ranieri to avenge is fellow citizens.
“How come Leicester are in Pot 1” storms Ian Batch. Because that pot is reserved for the reigning European champions and the champions of the top even domestic leagues. And Leicester, in a development that was barely covered by the media, became Premier League champions last season.
As the suspense could be fatal, let me just cut to the chase and tell you that the remaining six teams will be assigned to the remaining six groups. If it pans out any different, I’ll let you know. Similarly, if Rush smashes one of the ball in frustration at being unable to open them - a possibility that cannot be ruled out given how much difficult he is having - I’ll give you the cue to burst out laughing.
The draw is now starting for real. And the first name out of the pot, as drawn by Seedorf, is Barcelona. Rush picks out the ball to determine which group the Catalans will go in. He struggles to open the ball but eventually gets there ... and it’s Group C!
“Here’s a thought,” announces Andy Williams. “A group comprised of Leicester, Dortmund, Napoli and Celtic would be a sub-comp to determine greatest fans in Europe.”
Ian Rush, Clarence Seedorf an Ruud van Nistelrooy are today’s celebrity ball-pickers. Apparently there will be a fourth, too, but we’re not being told who yet. “It’s a special surprise,” says the presenter. Let’s hope it’s Joe Kinnear.
The draw is about to begin! Or rather, the presenters, Pedro Pinto and Anne-Laure Bonnet, have begun their chatter. We’ll be on to the main business any hour now ...
Spurs are the lowest ranked of the Premier League teams and being in Pot 3 opens up the daunting prospect of being in a group with, say, Barcelona, Dortmund and Rostov. The best case scenario, meanwhile, is probably, CSKA Moscow, Leverkusen and FC Copenhagen.
Gareth Bale is in the house, along with Cristiano Ronaldo and Antoine Griezmann. One of that trio will be proclaimed European player of the year. After Real’s Champions League victory and Portugal’s Euro 2016 triumph, it’s got to be Ronaldo, doesn’t it? Perhaps next season will be Bale’s, with the Champions League final being held in his home town. That venue explains why today’s proceedings are being billed as the beginning of the Road to Cardiff. Or the M4, if you prefer.
Hello and welcome to coverage of the Champions League draw, which, for the first time ever, includes Leicester City. And doesn’t it swell the heart to see fresh faces in a competition that was contrived to preserve the status quo? Even the presence of Tottenham Hotspur has a novelty appeal, being that they are not regulars in the tournament, while two of the other British participants, Celtic and Manchester City, carry new fascination by dint of being led by two of the most progressive thinkers in modern football, Pep Guardiola and Scott Brown. Arsenal are also in the draw and it will be fascinating to see whether they … no, sorry, there’s no point pretending any more, is there?
What a curious medley of clubs that the Premier League is sending. Several years of general ineptitude in continental competition have ridiculed the league’s claims to supremacy and exposed mis-management and decadence. The league could do with strong performances this season, so some people may fret about the pedigree of the English participants, who between them have fewer European Cup/Champions League titles than Celtic, who have one. But let’s not get bogged down in history, because following the progress of Leicester, in particular, is going to be interesting no matter what tut-tutting marketing men from Manchester United, Liverpool or indeed AC Milan may say.
And no one can deny Leicester earned their admission to the VIP stages. They are, after all, domestic champions, unlike 15 of the other 31 clubs in the draw. Of course that brings no guarantee that they will thrive in this company. Lots of people foresee Leicester degrading the Premier League’s reputation further by making an ignominious early exit from Europe - a Lexit, if you will, or a Blackburn Rovers Class of ‘96 – but, of course, lots of people foresaw Claudio Ranieri’s team being relegated last season and ended up with egg on their faces and triumphant slap-downs on their twitter timelines. Whatever happens, it’s going to be intriguing watching them on the European stage and, before that, finding out their itinerary. Speaking of which, here are the pots for today’s draw, with the eventual groups being made up of one team from each pot. Note that no group can contain two teams from the same country and, for security reasons, Dynamo Kyiv are not allowed to be pitted against either of the Russian participants (CSKA Moscow or Rostov).
Pot 1: Real Madrid, Barcelona, Leicester City, Bayern Munich, Juventus, Benfica, Paris Saint-Germain, CSKA Moscow
Pot 2: Atlético Madrid, Borussia Dortmund, Arsenal, Manchester City, Sevilla, Porto, Napoli, Bayer Leverkusen
Pot 3: Basel, Tottenham Hotspur, Dynamo Kyiv, Lyon, PSV Eindhoven, Sporting CP, Club Brugge, Mönchengladbach
Pot 4: Celtic, Monaco, Besiktas, Legia Warsaw, Dinamo Zagreb, Ludogorets Razgrad, FC Copenhagen, Rostov