Based on a Naaleh.com series by Rabbi Hanoch Teller

Rav Yisrael Salanter said, "If you say about a cantor that he is not clever and about a rabbi that he doesn't have a good voice, that is gossip. But if you say about a rabbi that he's not learned or about a cantor that he doesn't have a good voice then you're a murderer, as you have destroyed their livelihood." We all know that stealing is wrong, but we can understand why the thief does it. He wants something that he doesn't have. But with

loshon hara, a person doesn't gain anything. All he does is flatter his feelings by lowering someone else's esteem. If you speak good about other people, you're going to have an upbeat attitude. If you speak bad, it lowers your own image in other people's eyes. No one appreciates someone who's always complaining about others. It's not only evil, it cuts away at your happiness.

Avak loshon hara borders on loshon hara and is an issur d'rabanun. An example of avak loshon hara is praising someone in the presence of their enemy or competitor. This instigates the person to speak loshon hara about his foe. Rashi says that a craftsman naturally despises those in his line of profession. It's unfair to expect a person to be objective about his competitor.

The Gemara in Bava Metzia says one must downplay a person's hospitality if effusive praise will cause other people to take advantage of the host. Likewise, it would be wrong to divulge a person's financial generosity if it will cause other people to pester him for contributions.

Conversely, if you don't actually say anything negative, but your gesticulations indicate something negative, you've violated avak loshon hara. It's forbidden to show people unflattering photos about others. Likewise, displaying letters from others with grievous errors and spelling mistakes is wrong.

Rabbi Telushkin quotes several common excuses people give for speaking loshon hara. People often say, "But it's true." That in fact is the definition of loshon hara. Furthermore, do you think everyone has the right to know everything just because it's true? The second familiar excuse is, "I didn't actually say anything bad about that fellow." Well, once you hint at a flaw that's what people will focus on. Another thing people like to say is, "I did the same thing myself." Even if you don't mind people knowing this about you, other people might resent it. People think they can freely talk about other people's past sins. If someone was one incarcerated because of grand larceny and you're thinking of becoming his partner, it's probably appropriate to let you know about it. Otherwise, people don't need to know about it. Everyone is entitled to repent and be forgiven.

The Chofetz Chaim says that degrading someone's merchandise is also loshon hara.

There's an assumption that everything about a public figure is meant to be public knowledge. If he does something scandalous that will impede his ability to govern, it can be in the public arena. But if it's not relevant, it shouldn't be our business.

If someone presses you to speak negatively about someone the best thing would be to try to change the subject. If you can't, give an impartial response. If you still can't, you can lie to avoid the loshon hara.

You might ask, "Did others do poorly?" to find out if your child wasn't the only one who failed the test. But don't ask, "Who did poorly on the test?" Rav Moshe Feinstein rules that it's inappropriate and downright ugly to compel a child to speak negatively about another child. It teaches children to speak evil. If the student volunteers information on his own, if it's vital for the school to know about it, you have to listen. But if not, teach the student to refrain. A teacher may want to be honest about a student, but if he knows the parents will overreact, he must be careful what he writes or says.

We must not listen to loshon hara either, as this provides a forum for the loshon hara speaker. It's like buying stolen goods. When you give business to a thief you encourage him to steal more.

If you're tempted to speak loshon hara, ask yourself three questions, says Rabbi Telushkin: 1. Is what I'm saying completely fair, even if it's true? 2. Does the person I'm speaking to need to know this? 3. Is there positive information about the person's actions or motives that I'm omitting? A good way to refrain from loshon hara is to think how appreciative you'd be if someone refrained from speaking about you. Another good idea is to put a photo of the Chofetz Chaim next to your computer or telephone. Much like a seat belt, it holds the person in place and protects him from sin.