MAKYA MCBEE VS.

Here’s the deal. Unless you’ve been living under Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, for the past ten years, you’ve probably heard the kids saying some crazy things. I suppose the younger generation have always had their hip, new catchphrases, but what with the internet and such, it seems harder than ever to keep up. What the heck is YOLO? (It’s shorthand for pizza restaurant orders and stands for, You only like olives – now you know). What are the teens trying to say when they mutter, “My bae got turnt up.” (No idea. No freaking idea.) Well, your days of staring in dumbfound confusion are at an end, I’m here to help. Take a gander at some of the most current slang with detailed explanations behind their meaning –

11. Hot Mess. Most messes are cold – like dirty laundry or a bunch of leaves that need to be raked. But if you make yourself a bowl of oatmeal and then drop it on the floor, you’ve got yourself a hot mess. And the main difference between a hot mess and a cold mess is that a hot mess needs to be cleaned up immediately (you don’t want anyone to burn themselves). Therefore, if someone is a “hot mess” it means they’re working really quickly. They’re industrious. Feel free to use it as the compliment it is, “I’m really impressed by the new intern, she’s a hot mess.”

10. Whale Tail. This one is pretty self explanatory. A whale tail is just a clever way of referencing any story (tale) about whales. The most famous whale tail, of course, is Moby Dick. But, sadly, most of the kids don’t even know about this literary masterpiece. The kids are probably watching Free Willy instead. I, for one, think we need to refocus out attention on education – specifically, the classics. So, if you’re like me, you’ll proudly declare at your next PTA meeting, “For the sake of the children, we need more whale tails in this school.”

9. Selfie Stick.  This is a stick that you use to hit people who are taking too many selfies.

8. Fleek. You certainly can’t be the cat’s pajamas without being able to toss this one around. A fleek is a nerdy homosexual. It comes from combining the words flamboyant and geek.  As in, “Look at that fleek, he’s rockin’ that pocket protector!” And I’m all for it. I say embrace your true self – if you’re a guy that likes guys, a guy that likes knowledge, or both.

7. Cray Cray. This one has an interesting history. It’s actually surprisingly specific and means, “Hey, look at all the fish.” The “cray” in question is, of course, crayfish, also known as crawfish, crawdads, or mudbugs, and are freshwater crustaceans resembling small lobsters, but are actually taxonomic members of the families Astacoidea and Parastacoidea. People used to shout, “Crawdaddy! Crawdaddy!” when they were excited about seeing a bunch of fish. This was eventually shortened to, “Cray Cray.” Although I’m not entirely sure why everyone is so worked up over a few fish.

6. MILF. MILF is actually an acronym used to describe attractive mothers. It stands for – Mom is looking fabulous. Now that you know, feel free to use it to compliment the neighborhood kids, “Hey, Timmy, your mom is working hard but she’s still having a MILF kind of day if you ask me.”

5. Twerk. This is simply a combining of the words twice and work. If someone is twerking, they’re working twice as hard. Good to know. Now, if your teenage daughter tells you she’s off to do some twerking, you should definitely congratulate and encourage her, sounds like she’s working overtime, and earning the respect of her colleagues.

4. Off the Hook. If someone is off the hook, it means that they’re reading less. Plenty of kids got addicted to Harry Potter, but it’s not the only popular book with the young ones. For awhile, reading Peter Pan was all the rage, and when kids moved on to something else, they would say, “I’m finally off the Hook.”

3. Queef. This is simply a shortened version of the word bequeath. As I often say to my children, “Some day I will queef all of this to you.”

2. #. If you’re like me, you see this darned thing all over the internet and can’t figure out what the heck is going on. As is often the case, it’s not that complicated when you do a little research. This is, of course, the pound sign, and it seems that those crazy kids have started using to replace the word pound. For example, “Mrs. Frink, that was a delicious casserole. I can’t wait to try that scrumptious looking #cake.”

1. Friends with Benefits. If any of the slang on this list were a reason to celebrate, this is the one. There’s really nothing better than having a friend with benefits. One of my good friends recently entered this category with me. After a long search for work, he finally landed his dream job complete with health insurance, vacation time, and a retirement plan. I was proud to declare to all my friends and family, “Frank and I are now friends with benefits!”