The NYPD's crackdown on subway breakdancers has been going steadily all year, with over 240 subway acrobats arrested so far in 2014 (as opposed to the less than 40 similar arrests in all of last year). But nature abhors a vacuum, and it seems a different strenuous physical activity has started taking up that little-bit-of-empty-pole-space-nestled-between-sweaty-human-beanbags in subway cars: subway yoga enthusiasts.
More and more people have been posting pictures to social media of themselves practicing yoga on their commute, which is kind of like how we do mini-exercises at work to try to avoid the painful death that sitting all day will eventually cause—except you know, the yoga people are actually doing something, while we're too depressed from sitting to even contemplate standing for more than the time it takes to make a new pot of coffee, let alone exercising. So on one level, it's pretty impressive (and perhaps even inspiring) to see all these flexible people strutting their stuff on subway cars.
This woman performed a whole series of majestic bendy poses that leave us with the distinct impression that we are definitely going to die before her in some horrible way, likely because we can't stop sitting all day:
But as inspiring as it might be to some, it's not all sunny sun salutations to all: it's pretty gross to be rolling around on the floor of the subway platform. Sure, you don't mind getting trace amounts of fecal matter all over your flesh, but maybe that person you share a subway pole with would care. And think about all that dead skin you're accumulating! [Maybe Big Hand Sanitizer is paying people to practice subway yoga to exponentially increase sales; this is the Pearl Harbor-Advanced-Knowledge conspiracy theory of subway yoga's sudden popularity.]
And we can all agree that it's pretty rude to take up more than your fair share of space in a public setting filled with anxious, harried New Yorkers just trying to get from Point A to Point B without getting robbed and/or tortured by children; like clipping your nails or popping your lovers' pimples, yoga is something that is not exactly enriched by happening in this exact place in this exact time RIGHT NOW GODDAMNIT I NEED MY YOGA FIX. That plow pose pimple will be just as ready to pop when you get home.
Most importantly, nobody particularly wants to be reminded that they're going to die, likely because they sit all day in front of a computer and lack the motivation to even raise one arm into the air during a much-needed yawn.
"After a long day, a stretching of the calf on the subway platform is one thing. This is taking it to a whole new level of attention-seeking yogis who can't leave their yoga in the classroom," mused subway chronicler Eddie Going, who has re-posted many subway yoga Instagrams in recent months. "Cut the bullshit. No one cares that you can lick your ear while standing on your head."
You know who probably is behind all this? That other Subway, the one with the almost-footlong subs. Anything that can get people to associate the phrase "subway yoga" with something other than toxic bread is a real plus in their book.
