I have been pondering many thoughts around the concept that life is uncertain on so many fronts and certainly for those who have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Our health may fade or cause us great struggle with no warning behind it and the certainty of life that we once believed in seems to inevitably unravel as we spiral through life living with bipolar disorder.
I never anticipated a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and even though my mother has lived with the illness since I was a toddler, I did not for one second feel that I would be next. People have unexpected occurrences happen in their lives all the time and we have to accept this truth as reality. There may be news of a loved one dying suddenly, the end of a marriage, or even being diagnosed with a mental illness, but we have to accept that there will be pain and pitfalls in life, but more wonderfully there will be great rewards. The rewards are given in the ways we approach and manage these situations that come before us. It took me years to grasp this frame of mind and I initially chose to victimize myself with my bipolar diagnosis, I boiled in anger and I even left the country for two years as I felt everyone had turned against me. The truth is that I turned against myself and allowed the self-stigma of bipolar disorder to infect my perspective and any chance that I had to achieve happiness and acceptance.
I am so thankful for having a defining moment where I shared the acceptance of my bipolar disorder with the world. Many years ago, I recall standing in front of five-hundred people where I had finished a 3-day seminar that focused on my perspectives of the world and who I wanted to be in it.
As I made my way to a microphone, shaking and red-faced in front of so many onlookers, I slowly formed my words under labored breath. I said, “My name is Andrea and I learned something very valuable in this seminar, which is that I have bipolar disorder, but I am certainly not bipolar disorder. Yes, I have an illness, but I am not defined by this illness and no matter what my challenges, I can live an extraordinary life!”
This is a moment that I will never forget and my acceptance paved the way to founding the Bipolar Disorder Society of British Columbia and I coined my new persona, the Bipolar Babe, which now significantly contributes to thousands of others to seek their own empowerment. Without the acceptance of bipolar disorder, I would have never found the impetus to make my dreams a reality and have a purpose that encourages me to spread the importance of understanding, acceptance and empathy for all people.
Whether you are starting up a new business, selling or buying your home, taking a chance on a new love, or dealing with an unexpected mental illness diagnosis, we must embrace that everything in our lives is, in fact, uncertain and every single thing we see, touch, hear or feel is temporary. It will all fade, falter and cease to exist one day, and yes, so will all of us. I make this statement to encourage you to embrace your bipolar disorder and all things that are uncertain in your life to allow room for feelings of peace and freedom. I know now that my future is not mine to determine and I can plan for everything and anything in all aspects of my life, but my journey often has other plans. I just have to accept the reality of the unknown with no expectations to allow myself to accept the things that I cannot change, but only manage them the best I can.
When we embrace all that is temporary and uncertain, then we can all truly begin to live.
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Great article. Coincidentally; just prior to reading it; I came to the conclusion that like all other occurrences in my life the ordeal of the viscous cycle of ups downs and losses n stuggles and striving to get back what my illness so frequently stole from are simply what it took to get me to the point I am, in my life, today. While it may not be ideal and it is certainly not my ideal of where I consciously would have chosen my life to be at this point in time. It s not that bad and I do indeed have a lot to be grateful for!
Thank you Andrea for the notion of “Stigma Stomping.” We often do our best work when stomping mad, don’t we?
Personally, I still find the world at large in the absolute dark ages. Whatever “stigma busting” I manage to accomplish is EXTREMELY hard won, often humiliating, and intensely draining. My “at bats” are moments I have steeled myself to walk stark naked to the podium, (okay, fully clothed at a NAMI event) and in that instance, had the wonderful surprise of getting thunderous applause by answering the question of why I went back to school with “I needed a reason to take a shower.”
“The world,” especially corporate America, has not been so kind. The only job I’ve been able to hold down that seemed tailor-made for me was being a host on a popular short-term rental platform, where my ability to hold on to my beautiful home combined with my perfectionism, and tendancy to be a wealth of information (or babbling brook until my husband gives me the hook) won me nothing but rave reviews.
I made only one mistake, and it was in response to an international guest who managed to extract thousands of dollars from us at a time when we were holding up the line charging groceries on multiple cards and I could not afford to pick up my medication. My anger toward the indifferent guest and my hounding correspondence seeking justice got me kicked off the platform. When the dust settled, I realized it was the lack of medication and sleepless nights that carved out my performance, and inability to “let it go” as my husband advised.
Through a journalist friend, I managed to break through my exiled status and get an audience with a top tier executive via email. I threw myself on my sword, explained my illness, the impact of the medication deficit, asked for mercy, and pleaded for another chance, explaining our grave financial situation. I received a kind acknowledgement and promise to look into it.
It’s been several weeks of ruminating, waiting for a response. I do suffer from something called “Apophenia” where I incessently process everything as a “sign.” I imagine that if I get a “No” it means I’m saddled with the responsibility of speaking out and demanding the same rights for mental disabilities as physical, and, securing the same ferocious protection the company extends to race, gender and impairments of any kind. (As a host, if you decline someone with a wheelchair or therapy dog, you must be ready to prove that it is the width of your doors or your allergies, as opposed to stigma, that is standing in the way.)
As I write this, I’m feeling a wave of whether a “Yes” to the act of mercy I begged for is something worth fighting for, or if perhaps, the Lord has other plans. I’m guessing it’s delusions of granduer that have me wondering exactly how many stones one brings to a date with a Goliath?
The wonderful thing about bp.hope is being surrounded by people worth fighting for. If you thing it’s time for me to put on my boots, send me a sign!
This was such an uplifting story-thank you. As the mother of a non med compliment son with bipolar I’m wondering if a person can get to the healthy space you are in without medication? Thanks
Yes, it is possible, I manage mine without medication at all. It takes determination and will require a lot of changes to be made to the current lifestyle along with the willingness to experiment and try new methods. It’s not always smooth, specially when we’re not able to stick to our routines, but then I’ve found the majority of people that take medication don’t have a smooth ride either. The plus side is that with self management I’m able to recover quicker when I do have any sort of issue.
I too, am a mother of a 26-year old son who refuses to take his medication. I have the same question, can a person live a healthy life without medication?
Helpless,
Hang in there!! My family is going through the same thing with our twenty one year old son. He was hospitalized with his first manic episode in April. He has been taking his medication, but with reminders. Tonight while he was fighting with me about going to counseling tomorrow he said, “ I am not going and I am not taking my medication.” It is so very difficult but you have to take care of yourself first. Calmly provide the information why it is important to take the medication, so he doesn’t get hospitalized again, but also say let’s work with the physician to see if we can wean down if there are side effects you don’t like. It is a constant thing it seems like. We have good days and bad days but I don’t poke the bear. I just wish he would trust us and accept so we can push forward in his recovery. I could use some suggestions for sure. Best wishes!
I too am a mother of a 25 year old son who struggles to stay on his medication. He feels he is healthier without it but it always ends the same.. either hospitalization or he is so angry he says things which hurt those who love him. I struggle with keeping myself mentally healthy. It has been 6 years now, our once close family is broken and i don’t know how to cope.
I doubt it; the person with bipolar has to be an extraordinarily strong and determined person to be able to risk the highs and lows of untreated bipolar disorder and live a full life. If you see signs of depression or mania and he gives in to those mood swings, then he is not handling his highs and lows in a healthy way.Is he open to attending any kind of self-help group or is he totally in denial? Denial and refusal to accept needing meds are signs that he is not handling his illness in a healthy manner and cannot manage his illness without meds.
Thanks for the story. It is people like you that reach out to help others that make a difference. It helps. Sometimes I get so stuck in my own head. You are so right. A diabetic is not just a diabetic. They are a person with their own life that deals with their diabetes. It is no different for a person with MS. It is the same with BP. I am trying
Your comments call to mind the first time, a few years back, that I could look upon the illness with a sense of humor and lightness.
It was January in frozen Sidney, eastern Montana. I mean, minus 35 with an additional minus 20 for wind chill factor. (I lived through that for almost 20 years, but that’s another story.) I regularly met several friends, also dxd with bipolar, for lunch. Believe me, in that community we had to be a secret sisterhood.
One Thursday, after catching up and fruitlessly complaining for easily 10 minutes about the weather, one of us–okay, it was I, aka the queen of snark–decided to call ourselves “The Bipolar Bears Club”.
Since then one has died while the other has retired to Arizona. I relocated with my husband to southwest Virginia last June, not a polar region by any stretch.
So as I figure out another snarky name for whatever Blacksburg posse I join, I offer you the uncopyrighted “The Bipolar Bears Club” for your next winter gathering, be it family, friends, group, whatever.
Happy New Year, folks!
Genevieve