Margaret Cho is at peace with her rage.
By creating an unabashedly angry anthem for survivors, Cho says she has found solace.
As a 46-year-old Korean American woman, recovering addict, former sex worker and sexual assault survivor, Cho is a long-established vocal advocate for marginalized groups. She’s also a master of tackling tough subjects through humor — but her latest song definitely isn’t looking for laughs.
“You better run now, while I’m having fun now,” she sings in a feathery-soft alto as the camera pans over a group of children twirling nunchucks on a sunny playground. It’s a rare moment of almost-lightness in a video that quickly pivots toward fury: “Now you’re dead, gun to your head,” Cho wails as the song reaches its crescendo. “’Cause what you did, I can’t forgive.”
The song and corresponding video, released on perezhilton.com and iTunes on Nov. 13, was the culmination of Cho’s “12 Days of Rage” social media campaign, in which she shared wrenchingly raw accounts of her experiences with sexual assault and invited others to do the same. The response was massive — Twitter users flooded the #12DaysofRage hashtag with heartbreaking testimonials and words of support for survivors.
The song has also been a featured part of Cho’s ongoing “PsyCHO” comedy tour, which makes its European debut next month. Cho spoke with The Washington Post about her latest work and the healing power of anger. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity.
You’ve talked about your experiences with rape and childhood sexual assault on stage before. What made you decide that now was the moment to take that conversation to the next level?
After many years, I saw my abuser at a very, very big event honoring me, and I couldn’t believe that my family invited him. But they always do; his presence is more valued than mine, which is really sad. . . He came and he put his arms around me and I whispered in his ear, “You know what you did, and I’m going to [expletive] kill you.” And it felt really good! And I realized that I hit on something, that under the shame and secrecy and sadness after sexual abuse, there is a murderous rage that needs to be released. And so I wrote the song. . . and then we played it that night at a club. And the audience was crying, singing along. . . And so I recorded it immediately. For me, the rage really heals me, I felt a real difference. It’s not about violence or actually killing anybody, it’s about murdering the rapist inside you because it will kill you if you don’t.
In your “12 Days of Rage” videos, you describe experiences that challenge the stereotypical ideas of what rape looks like; for instance, you talk about an assault that occurred in broad daylight in a car with someone you thought you could trust. What do you hope people will take away from hearing those kinds of stories?
It’s just to show people that rape happens, and most are not reported, because people feel it’s their fault — that they somehow asked for it. They always blame themselves for this abuse when in truth these are brutal crimes, they are the murder of the spirit, and they happen mostly with acquaintances, friends, family members, partners, husbands. It’s more common than people are willing to acknowledge. . . so I just wanted to shatter the silence around my experiences. I’m trying to get people to recognize what rape is, how I define it.
The video for “I Want to Kill My Rapist” puts young people center stage, with this army of fierce girls and boys with war paint and weapons. Can you tell me about the significance of their presence, and what message you’re hoping to convey to child survivors?
Paris Bravo, who is the beautiful little girl with the knives [in the video]. . . is an abuse survivor. She was molested by her uncle from the ages of 3 to 6. And she put him in prison forever at 6 years old. She’s the star of the video, and she’s encouraging people now to name their abusers.
I want little girls and boys to not be afraid, but to be strong. And I want to make sure they’re prepared, that the world is dangerous and they just have to treat their bodies like a nation — you know, body sovereignty. Your body is your nation, and if your borders are crossed without a passport, there will be consequences. The kids are really about the message that we need to protect the innocents, and also heal the survivors.
When it comes to healing from emotional trauma, we hear a lot of words like “acceptance” or “peace” and “forgiveness.” But you’ve said before that your rage sustains you, that it’s your “iron lung.” What do you mean by that?
Anger has been a tremendously healing tool for me. Obviously, there's a lot of language around not being angry and accepting and forgiving your abuser, but — I don't want to forgive. [Laughs.] I don't care! I'm not taking the high road. I'm not here to be the better person. That, to me, is another way to excuse rape. Why are you trying to forgive your abuser? You need to forgive yourself. . . My rage is really keeping me alive, my rage is my art. We're always told by therapists and clergy and mentors that you need to forgive and heal, and I'm not there, and I don't plan on going there.
You’ve been performing this song at the end of every show on your PsyCHO tour. What has it been like to present this work before a live audience?
It’s very healing, I think. I feel the audience come so alive in a different way — I’ve been with them for an hour and a half and making them laugh, and then we get to this point and I try to get them to have a catharsis through the song. Usually we do meet-and-greets after the show, and people just are sobbing, and holding me, and telling me their secrets. Sometimes they’ve never told anybody. . . and I’m so honored that they would give somebody that they don’t know at all a piece of themselves that they’ve never shown anyone. I’m so moved by that and grateful for that, and it makes me feel like I’ve done the right thing.
