TV REVIEW
'Game of Thrones'
Season six, episode two: 'Home'
3.5 stars (out of 4)
Read the recap of last week's episode, 'The Red Woman'
Note: This is not a "Game of Thrones" safe space. Spoilers will not only be revealed, but discussed, dissected and possibly ridiculed a little bit. You've been warned.
This week's "Game of Thrones" concluded with an outrageous, unbelievable, remarkable, insane cliffhanger that shocked us to the core even though we all knew it was going to happen: Jon Snow breathes again!
In a scene we pretty much saw coming several miles away, and we didn't even need to stand on top of The Wall or use binoculars or anything to see it, Melisandre washed Jon Snow's wounds, uttered some magic Red Lady words and hocus-pocus, alakazam, after an almost-suspenseful few moments of hopeless skepticism from Davos and Tormund - who apparently believe one can be raised from the dead real quick-like - but not from Ghost, that most loyal of canine companions, our noble hero gasped awake just in time for the credits to run.
Before we jump for joy and praise the Lord of Light for bringing back the series' most depressively noble, broodingly handsome and bummed-out hero, keep in mind, this is "Game of Thrones," and the nature of Jon Snow's post-death existence could be a miserable one. Wait - did I say "could be"? This is "Game of Thrones," and the nature of Jon Snow's post-death existence absolutely, positively, without a single doubt, will be a miserable one, because he still will exist in the "Game of Thrones" universe, where the only constants are pain, agony and injustice.
Speaking of loyal canine companions. Um. Ramsay. Last week, I made release-the-hounds jokes that, in retrospect, seem either really heinous or drenched with horrible, horrible foresight. And now, the series' most despicable psychopath underscores his despicable psychopathy by bringing his newborn baby half-brother and his stepmom to the kennels and- well, we don't need to re-live the moment, do we? The scene is the bloody runoff of Ramsay's patricide, where he secures his place as heir to Winterfell by giving his sociopathic father, Roose Bolton, the gift of a dagger, wrong end first. Roose's death came after a lecture in which he warned Ramsay about acting too much like a "mad dog," so it's fair to assume the message was lost on him.
Although Roose is a despicable character - the rotten apple doesn't fall far from the feculent tree in this case - there's something unsatisfying about his death. I mean, outside of the dissatisfaction that people are capable of such selfishness and cruelty, and all that. Yet this isn't a normal discussion of the human condition - this is a discussion about "Game of Thrones," which is about the far, far, dark, awful end of the human condition, because it turns us, the unwitting viewers, into bloodthirsty curs without our noticing. Anyway: it's "Game of Thrones" modus operandi for horrible people to be killed by good people so the good people can, sooner or later, become horrible people because they've killed people. So when a horrible person kills another horrible person? Meh.
So that's three deaths in "Home." Thus far, at least. Notable additions to the tally include two random men dispatched to the afterlife, where whatever cruel and despicable god that rules this universe will sort them in a bin labeled, "heads dashed on the bricks." One, a random Night's Watchman, is killed by the Wildling giant, Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun, or Wun Wun, or just "Sir" to his inner circle. With shocking ease, Wun can toss around a normal man like a rag doll, and intimidate Thorn and his cretinous bunch to stand down, and not murder Davos and the small cadre of men guarding Jon Snow's body.
The other dashee is a nameless King's Landing braggart, who besmirches Cersei's - cough cough - "honor," says Jamie Lannister is "a half an inch shy of an inch," and ends up drunkenly urinating on The Mountain. He would have been wiser to whizz on the electric fence, for The Mountain smashes his skull on the wall like a walnut. Which prompts us to ponder who would win the head-smashing event in the "Game of Thrones" Olympics - The Mountain or Mag? Or perhaps we should entertain the possibility of the two gargantuans eventually fighting each other a season or two down the road, maybe for a special episode of "WWE: Westeros."
Sometimes, other things non-fatality-related are noteworthy in "Game of Thrones," too. I've been saying for a couple weeks now that it's only a matter of time until Tyrion gets drunk and unleashes Daenerys' dragons, and that's exactly what happens in "Home," although not with the destructive results we may expect. (Not yet, at least.) After a speech in which he states the fact of dragons' intelligence - "That's what I do: I drink and I know things," he says between gulps of wine - he ventures to the dungeon and very, very carefully releases them from their restrictive harnesses, earning him the titles Tyrion, Breaker of Chains, Buddy of Dragons. The dragons then show their appreciation for their new little-person pal by throwing him a tea party.
There's also some familial rigamarole in the Lannister castle. Cersei is barred from attending Myrcella's funeral, and her limp twit of a king of a son-slash-nephew (I can't help punctuating that statement of fact with an ewwwwww) begs her forgiveness for being a limp twit. Jamie entertains an uninvited guest in the form of the O, Hai Sparrow, who crashes Myrcella's funeral with some of his well-armed friends. The half-smile on actor Jonathan Pryce's face earns the High Sparrow this episode's Ugly Smugly award, as he arrogantly boasts of having the power to topple the Lannisters' rule, and has us yearning for his death, even though we don't really like the Lannisters. For if "Game of Thrones" succeeds at anything, it forces us to emotionally align with loathsome characters who are slightly less loathsome than other characters.
Elsewhere, Arya takes another beating, and is teased by Jaqen - a.k.a. He Who Only Speaketh in Frustrating Riddles - that her eyesight could be restored. Lord Balon Greyjoy is thrown off a bridge by his brother Euron, upsetting the leadership hierarchy in the Iron Islands. Reek-slash-Theon states his intention to leave the Sansa-Brienne-Podrick party, and we assume he'll go back to House Greyjoy and his sister, Yala. And Daenerys, new Slave of Dothraki Custom, gets a break this week, posing the philosophical question: if a character doesn't make an appearance in this episode, does she still suffer?
Oh! And we finally reconnect with Bran Stark, who has been under the tutelage of the Three-Eyed Raven, played by Ming the Mercile- er, Max von Sydow. We learn that Bran has been honing his powers, and now can go all cloudy-eyed and take a stroll through the past. He visits a more idyllic time when, presumably only 80 percent of the characters we like are killed off ruthlessly. Also, when his pops Ned Stark was a boy and, in the episode's biggest reveal, when Hodor could say something besides "Hodor." What this implies, of course, is some kind of disturbing past trauma in poor Hodor's life, because this is "Game of Thrones," where there shall be no joy or peace, now or then or ever.
So, to summarize "Home": six deaths, minus Jon Snow's resurrection, nets five losses of life in this episode. Update your spreadsheets accordingly.
John Serba is film critic and entertainment reporter for MLive.com and other Advance affiliates. Read all his film reviews from 2016 here. Email him at jserba@mlive.com or follow him on Twitter or Facebook.