How Feminism Cripples Women
Many women feel oppressed by cat calls. I sure don't. They really aren't a big deal. (My dad also once said to me, "Worry when they stop making them.") Of course, my shrugginess is an attitude very different from the victimist, infantalizing view promoted by feminism.
Eleanor Sharman writes at Spiked about how feminism transformed her into a limp weakling who was afraid to leave the house:
As a female student in a nightclub, I expected to get some unwanted attention. What I didn't expect was for feminism to turn me into someone so terrified of unwanted attention I stopped going out.In the past, someone groping me would only annoy me for a minute - that would be the extent of it. If they were being really pushy, I'd go to my male friends and stay with them, because they'd enjoy making it clear that the guy's attentions were unwelcome. And yes, other men were more likely to listen to my tall, imposing male friends than me - a shy, skinny 18-year-old. You could call it male privilege, I'd call it the benefit of self-confidence.
And then she joined an Oxford feminist group called Cuntry Living:
I came to see women as physically fragile, delicate, butterfly-like creatures struggling in the cruel net of patriarchy. I began to see male entitlement everywhere.The experience also changed my attitude to going out. I would dress more cautiously and opt to stick with female friends in clubs. And, if the usual creeps started bothering me, I became positively terrified. I saw them, not as drunk men with a poor grasp of boundaries, and certainly not as misguided optimists who might have misread my behaviour, but as aggressive probable rapists.
If I was groped by someone, I didn't give them a scathing look or slap away their hand, and I certainly didn't tell them to fuck off. Instead, I was scared into inaction. How could I countenance such a violation? How could I possibly process something so awful?
After the event, I would go outside and cry. And then I would leave - feeling traumatised. I saw the incident, not as some idiot being a bit too handsy, but as sexual assault - something scarring to dwell upon.
She came to realize that feminism wasn't empowering; it was the opposite:
Even leaving the house became a minefield. What if a man whistled at me? What if someone looked me up and down? How was I supposed to deal with that? This fearmongering had turned me into a timid, stay-at-home, emotionally fragile bore.Thankfully, I learned a lot from the experience. Teaching women that we exist as probable victims (to the probable attacks of men) is not freeing or empowering. Modern feminism trains us to see sexism and victimhood in everything - it makes us weaker. It is also anathema to gender equality. How are we to reconcile with our male 'oppressors' when we view them as primitive, aggressive beasts? How are we to advance female agency when everything from dancing to dating is deemed traumatic?
The answer to the problems we face as women is not to submit to the embrace of victim feminism, but to stand up for ourselves. We must throw off the soft, damp blanket of Safe Space culture and face the world bravely. If we do not do so now, we will consign any prospect of real equality to the ash heap of history.
Telling somebody their experience is horrible and scarring can be enough to turn something they would have shrugged off into something that prevents them from having a normal life and normal relationships.
Feminism has become a religion -- a fundamentalist religion of grievance-hunting that eats women and men while pretending it's about "equality" and "empowerment."
I don't believe it.
Nobody articulate enough to write that article is so big a ditz to believe that stuff.
She would have been scared of pronouns.
Radwaste at February 11, 2016 2:51 AM
Radwaste,
I believe it.
Natural experimentation of youth combined w/a moth looking for an identity defining light and voila! It must be true because "they" said so.
Today most youth grow up NOT participating in life.
No playing outside/inside on their own. No reading of stories that do not have only reactive heroines (unlike Nancy Drew). No 4H stuff dealing w/life.
Texting and group/peer culture is all they have before college so why would college be any different.
Helicopter parents, absent parents, parents detained by authorities for letting their play in their yard by themselves ALONE at 11.
Yep. I believe it.
Bob in Texas at February 11, 2016 6:10 AM
#notallfeminists
No, but seriously. I am a feminist. I will say I am such to all who ask.
But I don't fear men. I'm a social dancer -- latin, mostly. Going out to clubs (without my boyfriend) is going to get me occasionally groped, and men are going to say inappropriate things to me. It happens. Last week, a drunk guy grabbed my hand, rubbed it on his bald head and down his exposed chest during a dance. I loudly said, "NOPE" and walked away. When he asked why I was walking away, I said, "You KNOW why, asshole," and then I laughingly told everyone at my table and at the bar what he did and made sure he saw me do it. One of my friends told me I should have thrown him (I do judo and jiu jitsu) and I was like, "Why would I? He wasn't dangerous to me! Why would I physically hurt him? He's just a drunken slob."
His behavior was inappropriate, but not threatening. It disturbs me that so many women my age can't tell the difference. If a man is a pig to you at a club, I wish more women would just call them on it instead of writing think-pieces. Feminism is about being equals, so act like a damn equal.
sofar at February 11, 2016 11:55 AM
Let's not forget, however, that some things shouldn't be shrugged off - for the sake of stopping a boor from turning into something worse, like a really cold-blooded criminal. See this old thread:
"I Was Groped As A Teen, But I Forgot To Be Traumatized"
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2015/10/19/groped.html
lenona at February 11, 2016 12:20 PM
Sofar says, "Feminism is about being equals..."
Which is why it is a lie, and doomed to fail -- while betraying decent women in the process. Men and women are NOT equal -- and never can be. We are not the same -- we are complementary. We share equal dignity as human beings, but are different, with different interests and roles, and so cannot insist on absolute "equality" in a reasonable world.
Feminism has so far (pun intended) delivered to women only the good part of "equality." Well, the other part of "equality" is on its way, and we men have no choice but to hope that women get the rest of what they appear to want, and that they get it good and hard!
Jay R at February 11, 2016 12:26 PM
sofar, if we ever meet in person, I'll do a rumba with you if you'll do a waltz with me. Actually, one of the things I like about dancing is that it tends to filter out the sort of nursery-school grievance feminists. I have occasionally seen one show up, and what they quickly find out is that after they give their first few partners an earful of attitude, they don't get any more dances. Then they leave in a huff. Good riddance.
And the lesson is: postmodern feminism, like all of the other "civil rights" movements today, is merely a special interest group. Equality is the absolute last thing they want.
Cousin Dave at February 11, 2016 12:36 PM
We share equal dignity as human beings
That's essentially what I meant by "equal." Men and women are not the same, but are EQUALly deserving of respect.
I think a lot of millennial feminists, when a man is a dick towards them, will take it, whine about the patriarchy and write a blog. I say call the guy on it in person (if you feel safe doing so, which you generally should if you're in a public place with other people around). You don't need a quippy come-back or a kick in the nuts. Just say, "Wow, that was an incredibly inappropriate thing to say to another human being," and walk away. It's incredibly effective.
sofar at February 11, 2016 3:06 PM
Haven't you ever heard that "like" and "equal" are not the same thing?
Which is not to say that equality exists everywhere. As Sheri Tepper (Planned Parenthood executive and novelist) wrote in the 1970s: "The maximum strength of women, as a group, is not equal to the maximum strength of men, but maximum strength is seldom needed." (She was talking about household tasks in particular, mind you.)
Women used to be banned from medical schools in part because it was assumed that they would all faint at the sight of blood. But...once corsets went out of fashion, any remaining delicacies, inborn or not, were quickly brought under control by any woman who really wanted to be there.
I'm all in favor of the draft, BTW - or getting rid of it entirely. How good can an army be when the soldiers don't want to be there?
And who assigns the unwanted "roles," anyway? A woman who wants to be a homemaker can only be one if her partner GIVES her the chance. (If a man doesn't want to be the sole breadwinner, it's easy enough for him to find someone who's willing to be a breadwinner too.) If she DOESN'T want to be one and he/she doesn't either, well, that's pretty normal (and often sensible) nowadays and there are various ways to deal with it amicably.
Finally, let's not forget that babies in general are not quite the same asset they used to be, in any country, for different reasons. So women will have to make themselves useful in ALL ways possible, and if a woman doesn't want children at all, that could easily be a very good decision for everyone.
More on that (long thread):
http://www.refugees.bratfree.com/read.php?2,400757
"600 million jobs needed"
It links to Bloomberg.
"If You're Young, The Job Outlook Is Grim No Matter Where You Live"
lenona at February 11, 2016 3:14 PM
sofar, if we ever meet in person, I'll do a rumba with you if you'll do a waltz with me.
You'll have to teach me rumba as well, then! I don't do ballroom -- it's salsa and bachata and zouk and club chacha and cumbia and merengue for me. Waltz is high on my list when I finally decide to become a real lady.
I have occasionally seen one show up, and what they quickly find out is that after they give their first few partners an earful of attitude, they don't get any more dances.
That attitude comes from men, too. I've had men tell me, after a crappy lead, that I need to "obey," to which I reply, "I only follow GOOD leads."
But, I know what you mean. Lots of women gripe about how ballroom/social partner dancing is sexist because the man is "in control" and the woman is "submissive". And that pisses me off, too. First of, all, if you are being "submissive" as a follower, you're doing it wrong. Also, ladies, nothing is stopping YOU from learning to lead. I know lots of lady leaders, and they are fun to dance with because they know ALL the moves followers are sick of doing over and over again. Step up, or shut up.
sofar at February 11, 2016 3:17 PM
Radwaste, you don't believe her particular story, or you don't believe feminism has those effects?
The funny thing about toxic ideas is they have a way of polluting your mind even if you disagree with them, and more so if you are 'neutral' about them.
asdfg at February 11, 2016 3:36 PM
That particular story.
To believe it, one must suppose that someone bright enough to generate such an article was stupid enough to be, in their own words, "terrified"…
After having gone through puberty.
The article was generated to address some points, sure.
Radwaste at February 11, 2016 7:35 PM
Lol, feminism didn't make her a weakling...she was born a weakling, and a fool into the bargain. Weak people always try to blame others for their own shortcomings.
Erica at February 11, 2016 10:50 PM
[The rest of you guys who aren't interesting in partner dancing can disregard this post...]
Sofar, it's a deal! Yes, I've seen the guys who are boors as dancers; they want to "teach" or offer criticism on the dance floor, and/or they manhandle and shove their partners around. I've actually seen women get injured by dancing with guys like that. And then there are guys who are "handsy". We had a guy like that in town who wound up getting banned by all of the studios. Not only did he treat his partners like meat, but he was also aggressive towards other male dancers; he'd try to bump them or trip them or kick them. He kicked me in the shin once and I told the club owner that if he ever did it again I would call the police. After that, the club banned him. Some women who had stopped coming because of him came back after that.
And you're absolutely right about the "lead" and "follow" roles. As I tell guys, it's an interactive process. There are certain things the lead must do to initiate, but then there are places where the follow will be setting the range or direction, and the lead must know how to work with it. And, depending on the dance, there may be "hijacking". And as you point out, although the lead role is conventionally danced by a man, it does not necessarily have to be so. I've done some reverse-role dancing, although to be honest I'm not a very good follow -- I can do enough so that in a lesson, I can follow if the instructor is trying to show me how something needs to be led.
Cousin Dave at February 12, 2016 9:44 AM
Cousin Dave and sofar,
Youse guys might meet in the middle w/Argentine Tango.
Lots of room for improv for both partners and there's more to that dance than meets the eye (to me).
(Boy do I miss dancing. Enjoy one for me!)
Bob in Texas at February 12, 2016 5:31 PM
Bob, AT is on my list someday... right now it's one dance too many. The little bit that I've done has been fun, though.
Cousin Dave at February 13, 2016 6:49 PM
Leave a comment