“Namaste, everybody. ‘Namaste’ is a Sanskrit word that means ‘The divine in me recognizes the divine in you.’ ”
—A benediction, delivered by yoga instructors at the end of practice.
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“Hey, girl! Namaste!” —A greeting, delivered by yogis in the entryway.
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“Attention, yogis! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE! Close this door behind you!!! Namaste!!! The Management.” —Sign on the front door.
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Yogi: How much is the coconut water?
Receptionist: Seven dollars.
Yogi: No, just for the little one.
Receptionist: Yeah, it’s seven dollars.
Yogi: Seriously?
Receptionist: Yeah.
Yogi: Is there something special about it?
Receptionist: Well, I mean, coconut water is really good for you. It’s got a lot of good electrolytes.
Yogi: Yeah, I know, but I could go to the Duane Reade next door and get, like, three of those bottles for seven dollars.
Receptionist: Yeah, that’s where we get them. But we have to cover labor and refrigeration and stuff.
Yogi: Labor? For carrying the bottles from next door? How do I get that job?
Receptionist: Well, you have to fill out this form.
Yogi: I don’t actually want a job. Just give me the coconut water.
Receptionist: Ok. That’s seven dollars.
Yogi: Yeah, I know. Here.
Receptionist: Namaste.
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“Attention, yogis! Please do NOT flush female-hygiene items down this toilet! Our plumbing is old and we WILL have a sewage overflow. Namaste!” —Sign in ladies’ bathroom.
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“Namaste: Recognize the Divine in You.” —Label of all-natural cumin-scented deodorant sold at front counter.
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Instructor: Aren’t our bodies funny? Our practice is meant to get all our different systems moving. So that means our muscles, our heart, our lungs, our energies, and, as you can smell, sometimes that means our gasses as well. It happens to everybody. And remember that letting go of our bad air is just making room for all the good fresh air we’re pulling in with our deep, steady breaths. So if you can feel that air wants to escape, don’t try to hold it in. It’s totally natural and, like everything, it is sacred. But while you hold that downward dog I am just going to crack a window.
Back-row yogi: Namaste.
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Greetings, yogis! This e-mail is to inform you that in order to meet rising costs we will be raising our fee to $35 per class at the beginning of July. As a gentle reminder, we will continue to enforce our no-show and tardy policies. Yogis who fail to arrive at least five minutes prior to class will not be admitted and will be charged the full class fee. Cancellations must be made at least twenty-four hours in advance. Yogis cancelling less than twenty-four hours in advance will be charged the full class fee plus a five-dollar service charge. Yogis who fail to show up for a reserved class without making any cancellation will be charged the full class fee plus a ten-dollar service charge. Arriving more than five minutes late for a class will be counted as a no-show without a cancellation. Please let us know if you have any questions. Happy practice! Namaste!
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Instructor: Let’s take a lotus or a half lotus or whatever is comfortable for you. Press your hands together at your heart center. Really plug those sit bones into the earth. And when you feel really centered you might turn to your neighbor and extend to them some of that energy from the heart center by offering them a Namaste. “Namaste” is a Sanskrit word that means “the divine in me recognizes the divine in you.” And when we offer our neighbor the Namaste we’re able to meet them in a place of peace that is free of ego. Namaste.
Male yogi: Namaste.
Female yogi: Namaste.
Male yogi: Namaste. What’s your name?
Female yogi: Natalie.
Male yogi: Namaste? Your name is Namaste? That’s crazy!
Female yogi: No, it’s Natalie.
Male yogi: Oh, wow. I totally thought you said Namaste. That would have been hilarious. But Natalie’s cool. What are you doing later, Natalie?
Female yogi: Probably going home.
Male yogi: No, don’t go home. You should come hang out with me.
Female yogi: Um, I don’t think I can.
Male yogi: That’s not true. You just said you were just going home. Come to my place. We can practice our headstands.
Female yogi: Yeah, I don’t think so. Sorry.
Male yogi: Come on. Why don’t you like me? I’ll make you a smoothie.
Female yogi: I think we need to be quiet now.
Male yogi: Alright. That’s fine, Natalie. Don’t you even want to know my name?
Female yogi: Fine, what’s your name?
Male yogi: Namaste.
Female yogi: What?
Male yogi: Just kidding. It’s Cody.
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NAMA$TE —Studio owner’s license plate.
