At the end of May, while it was pouring down in Cardiff, I treated myself to a week on the Costa Del Sol with a girlfriend. Just the two of us. There were no kids to slap sun cream on, and no husbands demanding another beer. Bliss.
I was horizontal for most of each day, soaking up the rays. We ate in fab restaurants where I didn’t have to think about whether they offered a kids’ menu, and did what I wanted without having to think of anyone else.
The holiday was undeniably spoilt somewhat when I returned to Wales and was asked sarkily at a party, "Do you intend to be in the country for a while, Lisa?" I put such remarks down to jealousy because I enjoy going on regular holidays without my children. I now realise the fact I went on four in one year is enough to rouse the green-eyed monster.
I’m happy to admit when I check into a foreign hotel, having left my kids behind, I no longer worry about my two sons and daughter, although I love them very much. Instead I put myself first – I relax into being me again and not a mum completely run ragged.
When I’m at home I’m permanently thinking about the children and their needs. I never switch off. There are the after-school clubs too. It’s constant and leaves me exhausted. When we do go away with the kids, we’re sightseeing every day or I’m forever cleaning up after them.
I’ve been going away on my own since the twins, Lauren and Morgan, were two and
I don’t intend to stop. People ask whether my kids miss me. Truth is, they don’t any more. They’ve got used to mum packing her suitcase, waving ‘adios’ and trotting off to the airport.
The holiday bug
I first went on a foreign holiday with Mum and Dad when I was nine. We went to Palma Nova in Mallorca and I was bitten by the holiday bug. Dad also worked in Saudi and I’d spend months out there each year sunning myself by the pool.
Thirty years later, I still adore going abroad. I love those first moments when you slink down the plane steps, and the intense warmth of the sun hits you. A sunny climate is the best mood enhancer in the world.
After I married, I didn’t go away on my own until 2005. Dad was working as a cruise ship engineer in Florida and I went to stay with him for the anniversary of my mum’s death. My eldest son was nine, the twins were two-and-a-half and we had a loft conversion going on at the time.
Did the kids cry because they were missing Mum? Probably. It wasn’t the ideal moment in our household to be jetting off on a transatlantic flight to the glitz of Miami.
I went back at the same time each year to hang out with Dad and enjoy the much sunnier climate, but Dad moved back five years ago – and I’ve taken advantage of having him here instead.
It meant that in 2011 Mark and I could go away on our own together. The twins were nine then and we’d been invited to my best friend’s wedding on Lake Como, Italy. The location was the Villa Balbianello, featured in the James Bond film Casino Royale. There was no way we weren’t going to go.
It was a romantic, luxurious, expensive wedding with a 10-course meal. We did ring the kids when we arrived, but after that we were having such a good time we didn’t think about them. It was our romantic break. The children come first at home, we hardly ever see each other when we’re working, so it was a chance to reconnect.
Since Italy, we’ve started holidaying together as a couple – leaving the kids with Dad. Each time we go away without them, we give ourselves a budget of £1,000. We’ve probably spent £5,000 on five holidays for the two of us over the last four years.
Typically we holiday with three other couples, we’re all good friends. When we first went it was the year I turned 40 and a mate’s husband celebrated the same birthday too. We love every minute of it. Whether it’s the US, Middle East or the Med, we chill out in hot tubs and boogie until the early hours in karaoke bars.
We all work hard, are happily married, our children are looked after by family – why shouldn’t we? The kids don’t complain. I buy them ‘guilt presents’ and they love staying with their granddad.
Always ready to fly
I’ll always spend a fortune before we go away: on Botox, my hair and, of course, on holiday clothes. Especially bikinis – I have about 40. I even had a £3,500 tummy tuck to get my pre-baby body back. I have Botox twice a year at £100 a time. It’s important for me to look good. I have my pre-holiday rituals down to a fine art. Exfoliate, hair done and I’m ready to jump on a plane at a moment’s notice.
Last September, we went to Mallorca just as the twins started secondary school. Every afternoon, when I was sunbathing with my first sangria, I’d receive a text from Lauren, "Miss you, Mum." I’d send her one back: "Miss you too, we’re by the pool, you’d love it here." I did feel a bit guilty.
They’d just started a new school and it was an unfamiliar routine, but I was having a magical time, so I didn’t dwell on it much. When I’m away with my husband, we’re either by the pool or on the beach. I don’t have to pick up a dishcloth all week. Heaven.
We still take a family holiday if we can afford it, it’s hard now the youngest two are in high school – the prices in the summer holidays are extortionate. We can’t take the kids out of school, but that doesn’t stop us going away on our own, does it? In fact, next year when the children are older, we’ll go away for two weeks…
Would you go on holiday without your kids?
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The rise of the me-me-me mum
In a recent study by Thomas Cook, 78% of the parents asked believed having a holiday without the children would strengthen their marital relationship.
34% of those asked said their own kids impact negatively on their enjoyment either ‘some of the time’ or ‘significantly’.
79% said a holiday could be ruined by other people’s children, and more than a third agreed with the statement ‘hell is other people’s children on holiday’.That was mainly about children being disruptive in a restaurant; the ‘general noise’ and the sound of parents’ raised voices.
It’s a personal decision to leave your children at home while you go on holiday. If you do, bear in mind separation anxiety is common between kids of six months and two years old. In all cases of separation, having your children stay in their home, rather than with a relative, is more comforting. Make sure you stay in contact with the caregiver and your children.
For more information on holidaying alone and child-friendly holidays, visit Thomascook.com.