LAS VEGAS (The Borowitz Report)—The Democrats who participated in the first Democratic Presidential debate of the 2016 campaign garnered a scathing review from the retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson, who said that none of them offered a concrete plan to protect the Earth from an invasion of bloodthirsty alien dragons.
“A swarm of marauding dragons with the capacity to shoot flames a thousand feet or more could destroy life on this planet as we know it,” Carson told Fox News. “And yet not a single one of these Democrats has apparently given any thought to such a threat.”
While the Republican Presidential candidate acknowledged that the Democrats in Las Vegas tangled over such issues as guns, Syria, and income inequality, he said, “I did not hear the word ‘dragon’ once.”
“If I am elected President, I will gather the greatest minds in technology to design and build a dome made of dragon-proof material,” he said. “As a backup plan, in the event of a dragon attack, I would attempt to convince the dragons to attack Mars instead.”
Carson said that, of all of the men and women running for President, he was best prepared to protect the United States from dragons. “This is the problem that keeps me up at night,” he said.
