How to Overcome Inner Disturbance
Marlene Chism
We work with senior leaders (and their teams) to build drama-free cultures that drive growth and reduce costly mistakes.
The signs of alignment include peace, happiness, joy, willingness, and anticipation. Misalignment (an inner disturbance) feels like anger, stuckness, resistance, and frustration. In my coaching, it has occurred to me that we human beings have three main coping techniques we use to overcome misalignment. I refer to these coping techniques as The 3 D’s: Doing, Distracting, and Disconnecting.
The first urge when you feel an inner disturbance is to “do something” so that you at least feel productive. Here are some common forms of “doing”
DOING
- Working past exhaustion
- Making drastic decisions
- Overanalyzing
When you are misaligned (in a state of anger, blame, self-righteousness) is not the time to “DO.” When you experience intense frustration, anger or stress, your emotional brain has hijacked your thinking brain. Your doing will not be a high quality. The moment you realize you have an inner-disturbance, you must avoid the urge to do more and instead focus on your state of being.
The second urge when we feel an inner disturbance is to get distracted. There are many ways we use distraction as a coping mechanism.
DISTRACTION
- Drinking
- Shopping
- Social media overload
- Gossip, nitpicking, rage
Once distraction no longer works the final stage is disconnection. You disconnect emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.
DISCONNECTION
- Stay inside your head
- Quit making effort
- Avoid conversations
- Stop feeling
Doing fools you into thinking you are being productive. Distraction takes away the pain. Disconnection allows you to avoid personal responsibility for your feelings and your relationships.
When you feel inner disturbance seek quiet time first. Feel what you need to feel. Reconnect with nature. Breathe slowly. Relax into a state of trust. Know that time will expand to meet your need. Equilibrium arrives. The answer is near.
Marlene Chism is a consultant, international speaker and the author of "Stop Workplace Drama" (Wiley 2011) and "No-Drama Leadership" (Bibliomotion 2015). Visit her at MarleneChism.com and StopWorkplaceDrama.com, and connect via LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter.